


inconvenient

by Storylover0513



Series: bokuaka stuff [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxious Bokuto Koutarou, Editor Akaashi Keiji, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay Panic, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Internalized Homophobia, Long Shot, M/M, Oneshot, Panic Attacks, Pining, Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:22:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28634670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storylover0513/pseuds/Storylover0513
Summary: the inconvenience that was bokuto koutarou and the word akaashi keiji had decided to label him with had never been easy to handle. however, as each day swept by, it became easier.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: bokuaka stuff [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1926472
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	inconvenient

**Author's Note:**

> to explain to ones who want to be fully immersed while reading, when none of the characters are speaking, yet bokuto is being referred to as "bokuto-san", it is to indicate the gap between between akaashi and his star. when it says "bokuto-san" outside of speaking, akaashi feels emotionally distant from him. when it refers to just "bokuto", it is the opposite. enjoy your read!

Akaashi Keiji did not believe in good people. 

Everybody had a tainted heart, was what he told himself. Nobody was kind to you for no reason. There's something in it for them. His jurisdiction was that he was placed in this life and only had one shot at it. At a young age, the college student decided he wanted to live a life with no hardships. Of course, no life can be lived without adversities, Keiji knew. His parents were quite distant from the only child and didn't approve of his decisions in life. Diverging from the expected path of pursuing law school, Keiji wanted to study literature. As a kid, he had always loved the way words flowed in his language and how a cornucopia of letters could form a telling story. 

His parents also disliked his choice of sexual orientation. Keiji had known for a while that girls had never suited his interest. He didn't think it was such a big deal till he came out to his parents. This discovery led to an even bigger rift between the already broken family. To say the least, Akaashi Keiji was not raised on the right foot. 

As he pulled his belongings along to the dorm room, Akaashi couldn't have lied if he said a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders from being free of his hometown. An autumn breeze rustled his hair and grip on his dorm information, he clutched it tighter. Squinting to read the small text, he read where his dorm was located and his roommate. He would be living on the fourth floor with a man named Kenma Kozume. Akaashi sighed as he put his strength into reaching the elevator. 

When he entered his dorm, it looked like his housing mate had already made himself at home, his side of the room fully furnished. Kenma was found on his side of his room, tapping away at the small gaming console in his hands. The gamer hadn't looked up to acknowledge his roommate. Akaashi cleared his throat and opted to introduce himself first. 

"Hi, I'm Akaashi Keiji. I'm your roommate. I hope we get along well."

_Don't come off too light. Don't come off too harsh. They can't read you yet, Keiji._

Kenma let out a subtle nod, "Kenma Kozume, you can get unpacked." 

The literary student analyzed the small boy. He seemed quiet and looked like he'd mind his business. He let out a breath and started to unpack. 

When he had finished putting all his things away, he plopped onto his bed, letting out a tired grunt. 

"I have a friend coming over to say hi. He's pretty loud; I apologize in advance." 

Akaashi raised his head in his position to listen to what the quiet guy had to say and nodded. _It's only one friend,_ he thought. Akaashi wanted to live a life without hardships; having a loud friend would preferably harm that image. _A quiet friend like Kenma wouldn't hurt,_ Akaashi concluded. _A stepping stool to make sure he was equitably adjusted to college life._ He turned to face the wall, finding a more comfortable position and went on his phone. While he scrolled through social media, he stopped at his previous thoughts. 

Who was he kidding? Could Akaashi indulge in friends? He definitely felt he was lacking in the area. He understood a childhood with a lack of abundance and affection put him in this predicament. He silently cursed his parents before a knock on the door disturbed his thoughts. 

Akaashi looked over to Kenma, whom he expected to get up to greet the unknown visitor but was still fixated on his game. Akaashi did a silent prayer for the gamer's neck. Suddenly, the door busted open, and a tall man with crazy bed hair appeared. He could only hope the intruder didn't notice him on the other side of the small space.

Thankfully the boisterous man turned his attention to the unbothered player. "Kenma! How's college life?"

His housemate scowled before answering, "I wouldn't know I've been here for a day."

"Always so cold," the man states, retreating to sit on his bed.

"Move, Kuroo, you're taking up all the space." Kuroo didn't move. 

_Kuroo_ , Akaashi puts together. The name definitely fits the hair, his eyes trailing to understand the psychics of the haircut. When his eyes met the black-haired man's eyes, they made eye contact, and Akaashi looked away.

"You're Kenma's roommate, nice to meet you. I'm Kuroo, take care of him," Kuroo stood, making a quick bow. 

Akaashi stumbled from his bed and returned the bow, "I'm Akaashi, I wish the same." 

"What are you majoring in?" Kuroo asked, making small-talk. 

"In literature. You?" Akaashi answered.

_Don't sound too interested; just make simple conversation._

"Bio-Chemistry," Kuroo returned, giving a fond smile.

Kuroo drops the conversation, fixating himself on getting attention from Kenma. Akaashi is glad and returns to the comforts of his bed. It's a pleasant silence. 

* * *

It's now Saturday morning, and Akaashi wants to explore the campus before classes officially start the next week. He pulls out his schedule and maps down the route on his phone before beginning his trek. Locking the door behind him, he exits the dormitories. Before he can get very far, he's interrupted by another person. 

"I'm so sorry!" the man said, clearly regretful. He helps Akaashi up. The man sports a presentable haircut with brown hair. _He's pretty,_ Akaashi's first thought is. 

"Are you okay?" the pretty boy asks.

"Yes," Akaashi pats his jeans, "I'm fine."

"Okay, good. I honestly have enough student debt to go round. You wouldn't sue me, would you?"

Akaashi is still shocked, his mouth glued shut. 

"Say, do you live in this hall? Me too! I'm Oikawa Tooru, I hope we can be friends," Oikawa asserts, his hand reaching for a handshake.

Akaashi shakes the hand. Before he knows it Oikawa, is on his way to what looks to be the school's gym. His mind has come to a consensus that he needs to watch for people. He's met two crazed college men in 24 hours. 

_I hope we can be friends._ Replaying the sentence in his head, Akaashi made his way to the library. He was hesitant. Oikawa seemed like the type who was good at analyzing other persons as well. He did not want the pretty boy to delve into his personal life. He did want friends in a way, he really did. The question was how to make them without pushing them away.

Akaashi wanted to hit the library first. It was one of the many reasons he chose to apply to this university. They had a substantial amount of books that the literary student was ready to dive into. He liked books. He adored comparing how different authors formulated words to their liking, how they could turn the impossible into a narrative. He wanted to pursue it somehow, whether it be him as an author or an editor. Akaashi remembers the day he got his first novel like it was yesterday. He had asked his mother numerous times for the specific book and was ecstatic when he found it in the mail days later. 

The title of the book,  Sybil,  written by "Flora Rheta S." was engraved far into his mind. The book follows a woman with 16 personalities and her journey of finding herself as a whole. Akaashi resonated deeply with the book, finding similarities from one of the protagonist's many natures. The book helped pave his way for the love of literature. 

He found his favorite novel in the back of the library. Cracking a smile, he opened the book to read the first page.

* * *

"Hey, hey, hey!" Bokuto let out his loud catchphrase after successfully perfecting his new cross-shot. He ran up to give the tired setter a high-five. 

"Bokuto-kun, don't you think this is enough? I'm dying here." 

"You're endurance is ass, Oikawa! We gotta work on that!" Bokuto said cheerily. Bokuto was straightforward but oblivious, which tended to get him in a lot of trouble.

"Or maybe we're not all energy freaks like you," Oikawa muttered under his breath, collecting his things. 

Bokuto was also packing his things when he heard his phone go off with a text from his best friend, Kuroo. 

**kuroo: dude, kenma's roommate his hot**

**bokuto: okay? aren't you guys dating? why are u telling me?**

**kuroo: just letting u know in advance**

**bokuto: bro why weren't u at practice?**

**kuroo: was tending to kenma**

Bokuto scratched his head. He hated it when Kuroo did things like this. Most of the time, they ended in blatant catastrophe. He wasn't looking for a relationship, at least he thought. Bokuto merely wanted to focus on his career in volleyball. The season had just started, and scouts were to be up and about attending games. He wanted to be in his best shape if he was to be recruited into a D1 team. He kept the thought in mind, however. 

His phone rang with another notification that he had a class in less than an hour. As a backup, Bokuto majored in engineering. He liked numbers; although, he wasn't great at them, and he had a case of insufferable anxiety. Volleyball helped it, though. As a young boy, he had a lot of trouble staying composed in class. Until it started messing with his grades did his parents start seeking medical evaluation. Bokuto had been diagnosed with chronic panic disorder. He was very hyperactive and found volleyball; the sport was his output. The memories that came with it were a different case, however.

Bokuto wanted to hit the library to get the recommended textbooks for his classes. After his shower, he began his journey. 

* * *

Akaashi was still at the library, reading away at his favorite book. He had lost track of time and came as close to finishing the book. He looked down at his phone, trying to read the time on the dim screen. It was well past 6, around dinnertime. Akaashi's stomach rumbled as he looked around for a vending machine in the building. He found one near the exit and made sure he had money to buy a small snack. What he did not expect was a man to be there, also trying to buy a snack. Well, it was to be expected. Vending machines were for the general public. 

Akaashi's eyes met the other man's hairstyle. It resembled a great horned owl, his favorite animal. His hair was mostly silver with streaks of black hair dotted here and there. Akaashi stood in a state of awkwardness. 

_What is up with this school and crazy hairdos?_ He asked himself. 

The owl-like man's head raised up, making eye contact with Akaashi, an embarrassed smile sporting his face. 

"You wouldn't happen to have an extra quarter, would you? I thought I had an extra," Bokuto-san says, scratching the spot at his neck.

Akaashi opened his mouth, "Yeah, sure," he stammered, reaching for his pockets to hand the embarrassed man a quarter. 

"You're a life-saver!" Bokuto-san beamed. 

Akaashi felt a strange sense of comfort from the smile. Almost as if it were genuine. He nodded his head, mustering a quiet welcome. 

The taller boy inserted the quarter and punched in the digits of what he wanted. The vending machine answered accordingly, leaving two packs of onigiri at the base. Bokuto-san bent down to retrieve them, handing one to Akaashi. The smaller boy took it, consequently because the owl-like man seemed adamant to give it to him.

"I'm Bokuto Koutarou. What's your name?"

Akaashi nodded again, ripping open the onigiri, "I"m Akaashi Keiji, nice to meet you." 

"Nice to meet you as well," Bokuto-san said, letting out another smile.

The strange feeling was back again, resonating in his belly. He was intrigued. The man was a ball of energy, yet he couldn't read him. It was like he was faced with a wall. It was a first; certainly, Akaashi had always been able to read people. 

Bokuto-san glanced down at his phone. "Ah, shoot! I'm gonna be late! I'll see you around?" 

All the literary student could do was nod. He saw Bokuto off, who seemed to be in a hurry. Akaashi had a lot on his mind after that interaction. He wondered why he felt such a sense of innocent curiosity being in the presence of the hyper man. Why he was kind enough to offer up half of his small meal. Why he was unable to be read. Akaashi wanted to solve him, but he adhered to living a life of no hardships, so he slowly backtracked. 

It was almost 7 when he reached his dorm. Kenma was still playing games, but this time, when he entered, permitted a curt nod. 

"I bought takeout. There are some leftovers in the fridge," Kenma murmured.

Akaashi looked over to the minifridge and thanked Kenma quietly. Akaashi was quite hungry. The single onigiri helped his stomach for a while, but not enough to last him the evening. He was thankful for Kenma; albeit quiet, he seemed to care for people in his own way. Akaashi dug into the food and got himself ready for bed. 

* * *

Akaashi was sure he could speak for little when he said he was excited for the first day of school. The thrill of writing assignments and doing research was sure to capture the young reader's attention. The weekend had gone by fast for the first year solely because he had nothing better to do than wait for the new week to start. It was starting to get colder, so Akaashi decided to wear his favorite beige cardigan. He was quite early to his class, choosing a seat in the middle of the lecture hall. 

The class had ended before he knew it, and Akaashi walked out quite satisfied. The professor seemed nice, and he seemed to have a vast knowledge of books, a shared similarity of taste even. 

Akaashi found himself near the Humanities wing before he bumped into a familiar person. Oikawa, who was just leaving the building, jogged to catch up to Akaashi. The literature student was caught trying to get away.

"Aka-kun! Wait up!" 

He hated the nickname already.

"It's Akaashi," he stated, already giving up on the plan of hiding. 

"Aka-kun sounds better, doesn't it? Akaashi-kun? 'Kaashi-kun?"

"Akaashi works better," Akaashi fixed, steadily getting more annoyed.

"You're no fun, Aka-kun. Where are ya headed?" Oikawa began, following his slow pace. 

"I have a class down here," Akaashi replied, looking down at his phone to make sure he was in the right direction. The younger student didn't plan to talk to Oikawa much longer. His presence felt like it was zapping away at his reserved energy. 

"Oh, same! I'll walk with you," Oikawa smiled. Akaashi fought back a scowl and nodded his head. They began their trek in silence. 

"You don't talk much, do you, Akaashi-kun?" 

Akaashi was relieved to hear the funny nicknames were left behind, but his still heart raced when asked the noxious question. 

"I never feel the need to," he kept it short. 

"Is there a specific reason why you don't," Oikawa bent his fingers, imitating quotation marks, "feel the need to?"

"I'm not playing 20 questions with you, Oikawa-san." 

"Ah, we've already reached my personal hell. We'll continue this game later, see ya, Aka-kun!" Oikawa exclaimed, turning to enter his classroom. 

Akaashi left out a breath he knew he was holding. Oikawa would surely be the death of him. He needed to stay as far away as humanly possible from the human lie detector. If Oikawa's dream job wasn't to be a therapist, Akaashi thought, he'll surely regret it years later. 

Classes weren't too exciting today. Most of the lectures went over the syllabus and getting to know the teacher and students. Akaashi hated that part of school the most. Introducing himself was hard for the first year. He always had the feeling that someone was judging him when he muttered out his name and age. Luckily for him, nobody wanted to go all out in introducing themselves, so everyone did the bare minimum. Akaashi was grateful for the laziness of his generation. 

Unexpectedly, he met with Kenma for lunch. They made small chat. Kenma was still glued to his game for the majority of the break. Akaashi was glad. He didn't think he could keep up with everyone socially much longer. He already felt drained from the interrogating conversation he had with Oikawa earlier. Kenma knew the literary student wasn't good with talking, so he willingly made himself look more engaged with his games than he was. He liked having his friends comfortable. He just hoped his roommate would be able to share his reasoning some other time, but for now, he could wait. 

Kenma left early, saying he was required to meet up with Kuroo for a check-in. Akaashi didn't want to inquire further. 

Having nothing better to do, he decided to head to the library, 

his favorite place on campus. To read books, of course. He wasn't looking forward to seeing a certain, rowdy, someone. He might've also overstayed his visit waiting for certain someone at the library. He gave up when the clock reached seven and began walking back to his dorm. He was upset, more upset that he was letting this boy get to him. There was something about the way being in his vicinity made his brain turn. He was curious and wanted to find out more, but he needed evidence, of course. 

"Onigiri guy, is that you?" Bokuto-san asked quite loudly for a quiet setting.

Akaashi lived by the non-aggression part of life. However, he was just about through with all the nicknames he had adopted throughout the day. 

"What?" Akaashi turned around.

"It is you!" Bokuto-san chuckled, meeting up with Akaashi. 

Akaashi felt like whoever was up above had answered his prayers. "Bokuto-san, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," he laughed, "it's getting late."

Akaashi nodded, "I was heading back from the library."

"You were in the library again? You must really love books," Bokuto-san smiled.

"I do. I find it interesting," Akaashi felt the need to defend.

"What hall do you live in? I can walk you!" Bokuto-san beamed again. Akaashi stared, the warm feeling enveloping his body once again.

"Fukurodani Hall. You really don't have to," Akaashi added, looking down. 

"It's okay! I like being around you anyway!" Bokuto-san began leading the way to Akaashi's dorm hall. 

Akaashi's face blanked. Such a bold statement was so fitting towards his character. The poor boy was new to these things and smacked his cheeks to stop the strange flush of heat. Bokuto turned to the sound of skin, concerned. "Are you okay?"

Akaashi quickly averted his eyes, turning away. "A bug. There was a bug."

_Good job, Keiji. You're definitely being judged right now. Disassociate, disassociate, disassociate-_

"Did you get it?" he questioned. 

"Ah, yeah," Akaashi quickly responded, caught in the lie. It was better than the intriguing guy calling him odd. 

A comfortable silence filled them before Akaashi opted to start it up again. "Do you play sports?" he finally spoke, pointing to the disarranged sports bag hanging from the athlete's shoulder. 

"Yeah! I play volleyball!" he bounced, excited to share the details of his favorite past time. "You should come to our games one day, Akaashi! I'm sure you'd like it!" 

Akaashi kept the thought in mind. They finally reached the hall, and they bided their farewells. Akaashi quietly entered his dorm room as if he was returning home from sneaking out. Kenma acknowledged him, giving him a quiet greeting. Akaashi greeted him back on laid down on his bed.

"Does our school have a volleyball team?" Akaashi started. He didn't want to sound too suspicious. 

"Yeah, Kuroo's on it. Why?" Kenma finally looked up from his games. 

"Oh, just asking. I used to play volleyball back in high school," Akaashi let him in. 

Kenma perked, intrigued. "Me too, what position did you play?"

Akaashi stood up, actually participating in a conversation that didn't have invasive questions. "I was the setter for my team."

Kenma let out a small smile. Akaashi thought he looked small and cute. "I was also a setter. We could go to one of Kuroo's games if you want, I'm sure he'd be happy." 

Akaashi, who was happy to go to a game to see Bokuto and possibly find out more about the volleyball player, nodded. "I'd like that." 

They left it at that, and both of them got ready for bed.

* * *

Bokuto Koutarou was usually up quite early on the weekdays. His volleyball team hosted practice at the crack of dawn before school started. He thought the idea was great. Being able to get to volleyball fresh in the morning excited the athlete. It also helped Bokuto settle down for the later hours and pay attention in class. He stuffed more clothes into his mess of a sports bag and jogged to the school's gym. 

A few others on the team were already in the locker room, changing into more appropriate clothing for the occasion. Bokuto walked over to his personal locker where he met his friend, Kuroo.

"You finally decided to show up," the ace smirked.

Kuroo threw his wet towel at the wanna be owl, rolling his eyes. "It was one practice, don't get your panties in a bunch."

"One practice? With this absence, we could probably lose at nationals."

"Okay, volleyball freak."

"You guys are already fighting this early?" Oikawa yawned, making his appearance known. 

"Oikawa! Let's hit lots of straights today," he jumped over to the setter. 

"Yes, yes," he replied, brushing him off. Seriously, Bokuto was way too hyper to be yelling at this time. 

Their coach called them into the gym. "Alright, as you all should know, our first game is on Friday. We're going against the school right next door, which happens to be one of our rivals. If you've been doing your research, they have impeccable defense and serving strength. Today, I wanna focus on our receives, we can work on attacks on the latter." 

Bokuto caught his groan. He had just perfected his cross shots but wanted to improve on them. It's not like he didn't like receiving; it just wasn't his strong forte. Time passed quickly, and practice was over. With some energy left, Bokuto jogged to class. He wasn't too excited about his lectures; the athlete was more focused on his first game and if Akaashi would be attending. He had implied that he wanted him to be there, but he wasn't so sure if the younger boy took the hint. It was on his mind the whole school-day. 

He headed back to his dorm after a long day. Kuroo was already back lounging around the room. 

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I met Akaashi the other day," the engineer in practice spoke out. He lay down on his bed, scrolling through social media. 

"He's pretty hot, isn't he?" Kuroo smirked.

"No, he's more of an innocent oddball," Bokuto rebutted. 

Kuroo nodded.

"I may have asked him to come to our game on Friday," he continued again.

"Dude, it'll be so hilarious if we lose," Kuroo starts to laugh, the noise filling the room.

"Kenma might also come, you know?" Bokuto retorted. If Kuroo wanted to tease him, he'd tease him right back. 

"Shutup, he never leaves his dorm room."

Bokuto drops it and searches for game clips of their opponent. He settles down to watch them, looking out for any advantages they'd need this coming Friday.

* * *

For Bokuto and Akaashi, Friday couldn't come fast enough. Well, Akaashi thought it could wait a while. Frankly, the first year was anxious to go watch Bokuto play. He felt it'd be weird even if the athlete had implied he wanted Akaashi to be there. It was inconvenient. That was the world Akaashi chose when he decided he wanted to label this confusing situation he got himself into. Lately, the rambunctious half had been clouding his thoughts and messing with his studies. Akaashi believed he was coming down with a fever, to add to the list. Every time he thought of Bokuto, he would get frustrated and red, which ensued many weird looks. He would recall their interactions to get some grip on the man. Yet, the mental wall still held high. Akaashi wouldn't dare ask his perceptive roommate, fearing he'd uncover something he didn't want to hear. 

Friday did come fast, with its merits. 

The school day had long ended, and Akaashi waited for Kenma to get ready before heading to the gym to spectate the game. Akaashi made sure to wear his favorite color flannel; there was nothing wrong in wanting to look good, he thought. Kenma finally left the bathroom, and they walked down the path to the gym together. 

The smell of Air-Sole was the most prominent when they opened the doors to the gym. Next was the student body, who were riling up the volleyball players starting their warmups. Kenma, who seemed to know his way around, got them a nice spot to watch the anticipated game. Akaashi squinted to find the person he was looking for. It wasn't hard; Bokuto's spiky hair was the most recognizable on the team. He found Kuroo moments later and was shocked to recognize the brown hair that belonged to the human lie detector, Oikawa Tooru. 

Akaashi put two and two together. On multiple occasions, the literary student had seen the hall mate heading to and from the gym. 

The scoreboard let out a loud sound, signaling the rival team's time for warmups. Akaashi analyzed the court. He was quite familiar with the sport; he played a little in high school. The rivaling team looked tough though, he wasn't confident enough in the school team because he'd never seen them play, but he was expectant of Bokuto. The ace talked of the sport as if he was a pro. 

Bokuto jogged off of the court, grabbing a water bottle from the team manager. He thanked the lady. Kuroo was next to him and bumped in the side. "Ow, what the heck, Kuroo," Bokuto responded, getting a little annoyed.

Kuroo pointed up at the stands, "Kenma and Akaashi are here. You better play well." 

Bokuto followed Kuroo's pointer finger. His eyes met the familiar unruly black hair, and his heart skipped a beat. Akaashi had actually come to watch him. His surprise seemed offensive, but with fair reasoning, Akaashi didn't look like the type to go to these things. Maybe he wanted to get a chance to see Bokuto too. "Have you guys even exchanged numbers?" Kuroo asked, suddenly laughing at the way Bokuto's eyes were trained on the younger student. 

The ace snapped back to reality and slapped his face with his palm. "I totally forgot. Should I ask him after the game? How do I do these things, Kuroo?" Bokuto whined.

Before Kuroo could relay feasible advice, Oikawa came up behind them, giving them a heads up that the match would soon begin. Bokuto reached for Oikawa. "Oikawa, I need your help!" he relayed.

"I swear to God, if you misplaced something," Oikawa started.

Kuroo laughed, and Bokuto shushed him. "No, not that! I need relationship advice."

Oikawa's eyes widened. "The Bokuto Koutarou asking me for relationship advice? I didn't think romance was capable in that brain of yours. You're all about volleyball."

Kuroo starts to snicker again, Oikawa joining in.

"Okay, laugh it up. I seriously need help, though. How do you ask someone for their number without making it seem weird?¨

¨I don't think there's anything weird about asking for someone's number, Bokkun. Just go for it." 

The star athlete was left to decipher the short advice. 

The game started without haste, the home team taking the lead almost instantly. The game left spectators on the edge of their seats with many close calls. Akaashi was fascinated. He thought highschool volleyball games were intense, but college games were a different level. If he were to step on the court, he felt he'd be overwhelmed with the sheer focus the players emitted. The literary student was bashful to admit his eyes were mostly on the owl wanna-be the whole game. Bokuto had a charisma about him when he was playing that drew all the attention to him. Not to mention the cute celebratory pose he did after winning an exceptional volley. 

Their school ended up winning, taking two sets with close scores. Kenma led them to the back, where Akaashi assumed the athletes were changing. A few minutes passed before the three players walked out of the locker room, a less intimidating aura to them. 

Akaashi couldn't miss the ever-present smile on Bokuto's face when he laid eyes on him. Akaashi almost smiled too but decided to greet him with a subtle wave. "Akaashi-kun, what are you doing here?" he instead got from Oikawa. 

Akaashi didn't hide the process of his face dropping, which caused Kuroo's laugh to start up again. 

"You know Akaashi?" Bokuto asked, intrigued. 

"Yes, we met a week ago. I accidentally knocked Akaashi down."

Bokuto went to Akaashi's side, "Akaashi, are you okay?" 

"Well, I'd hope to be okay after a week." 

"Bo, he just fell, lay off," Kuroo snickered. 

Kenma asked Akaashi if he wanted to head back to the dorm, and he agreed. The volleyball players tagged along, though not invited. If you had told highschool Akaashi he'd be walking home with a party larger than one, he'd stare at you and laugh. He enjoyed the company, though he didn't contribute much to it. The conversation from the gym was full of smart remarks and insults. 

"Did you enjoy our game, Akaashi?" Bokuto beamed, eager to be praised.

Akaashi looked at the terrain pattern, hiding his amusement. "Yes, you were amazing." 

"I was, wasn't I?" the ace started skipping, happy to hear the disinterested boy relay some type of response. 

"Don't feed his ego too much, Akaashi-kun. He'll be hyper all next week," Oikawa teased.

Akaashi looked up, suddenly feeling guilty. "Oh, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

This time it was Kenma who laughed, albeit quietly. "It was a joke, Akaashi." 

"Oh."

Everyone laughed then, but Bokuto was giving his best pout. 

They finally reached the halls, and that's where they had to depart. Oikawa headed in first, followed by Kenma. Before the door shut to the dormitory, Oikawa relayed, "We should hang out more, the 5 of us! I like our energy!" Kenma ignored the message, more focused on charging his dead console. He used it the majority of the match, which Kuroo was saddened to hear. Kuroo headed in after Oikawa, which left Bokuto and Akaashi.

Bokuto went over the list in his head. The only predominant thing left to do was ask for Akaashi's number. It was now or never, he told himself. 

"Do you mind if we exchange numbers? It's fine if you don't want to. I've been told I'm an annoying texter," Bokuto anxiously asked, his arm reaching for his neck. A nervous habit, Akaashi diminished. It was cute. The literature student added that to his list, expecting the mental wall to seem smaller with the newly acquired information. 

"Okay," Akaashi agreed, reaching for his phone. 

"Really? That's great!" Bokuto rejoiced, also grabbing his phone from his messy gym bag. They quickly exchanged numbers and said farewell. Akaashi made it back to his dorm, plopping on his bed. He had gotten Bokuto's phone number, it made his brain feel satisfied, and a small smile, naked to the human eye, crept upon his face. His phone vibrated, indicating a new message. 

**bokuto: hey! this is bokuto! have a good evening and sleep well** (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

Akaashi unlocked his phone, quick to reply. 

**akaashi: Thanks, Bokuto-san. You have a nice rest too.**

**bokuto: whaa!! you replied quick, see you soon akaashi!** (*＾▽＾)／

Akaashi smiled at his phone, a rare sight. He found Bokuto's use of emoticons eccentric, but it still left a giddy feeling in his stomach. He left it at that and prepared for his day tomorrow. 

Bokuto liked the way Akaashi typed. It fit his personality, very formal. He smiled down at his phone for way longer than he had anticipated. Kuroo had turned the lights off in the room, Bokuto's phone being the only light source illuminating the space. "Okay, we get it you're totally smitten, but we still have early practice tomorrow," Kuroo chided.

"I'm not smitten! I just think he's cool!" 

Bokuto looked through his short conversation with the other boy before locking his phone. He lay his head on his pillow and instantly fell asleep. If Akaashi was in his dreams, he wouldn't say. 

* * *

Akaashi felt he learned something new about the volleyball player every day. Today, he discovered that Bokuto was a very inclusive texter. The ace told him about every aspect of his day, from what he had for breakfast to what Kuroo did to piss him off that day. Akaashi couldn't say he hated the messages. In fact, he looked forward to them. It's the most active he's been with the messaging app since he received his phone. 

**bokuto: akaashi! you won't believe what happened today!**

**akaashi: What happened, Bokuto-san?**

**bokuto: wah, you're fast! i was in class not paying attention whatsoever then the teacher called on me! i totally guessed and got it right! i'm lucky aren't i!?**

**akaashi: Yes, you're lucky, Bokuto-san. I do think you should pay attention in class.**

**bokuto: that's too boring!**

Akaashi rolled his eyes. He sure was inconvenient, this boy. He was trying to study for a test his literature professor was hosting. No work could get done with Bokuto texting him constantly. In a way, it was the former setter's fault. He did nothing to prevent the messages. This message, however, made his heart physically leave his body. 

**bokuto: akaashi! do you maybe want to study together at the library?**

Akaashi stared dumbfounded at his phone. It wasn't the first time Bokuto asked to meet; he did go to his game after all. This time, they'd be alone, and Akaashi didn't know how to feel. He fumbled with a response and eventually came to a conclusion.

**akaashi: Sure.**

It was simple, yes, but he was sure if he had agreed, he'd be able to learn more about the eccentric who's caught his eye. 

**bokuto: great! i'm free around the evening!**

The autumn air bit and nipped at Akaashi's ears. He was right outside the library, contemplating stepping inside. He weighed out his options. If he decided to run, Bokuto would hate him forever. If he stayed, his face would get all red again, and he was sure the new emotion would scare the athlete away. He sighed and opened the door to the building. He went to the back where all the desks were and found Bokuto in the corner, fixated on something on his phone. He quietly made his way over and set down his things.

"Oh, Akaashi!"

"Hi," Akaashi sat down.

"Hi!" Bokuto grinned.

There was that damned smile again, Akaashi thought. 

"What are you gonna study for tonight?" Bokuto asked, striking up a conversation. 

"We have something going on in literature. I thought I could get some work done," Akaashi elaborates. 

Bokuto liked the way Akaashi's eyes lit up when he talked about literature and rhetoric. It was comforting seeing the usually lifeless eyes light up. 

"I'm working on math! I'm a little stumped though, do you think you could help me?" Bokuto frowned.

Akaashi looked up at him and nodded. Bokuto gave him an even bigger smile than before and pulled out his mess from-- what seemed to carry everything, gym bag. The question didn't look hard, Akaashi thought; Bokuto was just looking at it wrong. Without thinking, Akaashi crossed the table to sit closer to him. The athlete took the gesture as an act of kindness and scooted his chair closer to the junior student. Akaashi thoroughly explained the question to Bokuto, and he was able to get it within minutes. 

"Wow, Akaashi! You're really good at these things," Bokuto praised.

"I've been told," he nods, traversing back to his side of the table. Bokuto misses the closeness between them but hides his expression. 

"Were you a tutor back in school?"

"Something along those lines," Akaashi replied, recalling the stressful times of being the class answer machine. He was more stupid to think those classmates were somewhat of a friend to him. On many accounts, he found himself on the verge of a breakdown. An overload of questions and work was constantly weighing on him.

"We should study more often, Akaashi! Maybe your wit will rub off on me," Bokuto laughs. 

Akaashi didn't expect that. He was still wary around the ace, fearing he was using Akaashi's innocence as an escape. Studying with Bokuto suddenly didn't sound too bad. "Sure," he relayed.

"Could you maybe sound more fired up?" Bokuto squawks. 

A tiny fraction of smile forms on Akaashi's face, not that Bokuto could catch it, however. He's really missing out. 

The library is about to close, so Bokuto offers to walk Akaashi back to his dorm. The former setter accepts. On their way back to their rooms, Bokuto talks, and Akaashi listens. The cold air again nips at Akaashi's ears and fingertips, but it doesn't seem all too bad with the ball of warmth beside him. Bokuto doesn't mind that the younger boy doesn't add much to their conversations. He knows he's listening and could easily recall their last conversation if asked. 

"Kenma told me you were a setter for your school!" Bokuto turned to face Akaashi, clearly excited.

Akaashi nods, cautious of where this conversation could lead to. With the gentle affirmation, Bokuto's mega-watt smile returns. 

"That's great! Maybe you can come and toss for me one of these days," Bokuto suggests. 

Akaashi wouldn't say he'd object to the idea. He missed the sport. He didn't have a crazy attachment to it like his walking partner did, but it was an important part of his life. 

"I don't know Bokuto-san. I haven't played in a while."

"I bet you're awesome, 'Kaashi!" 

The boy reddens. He's oddly satisfied with the way the slip of the name sounds. It makes it seem like they're close. He wants to be close, that is. Close enough to solve Bokuto, that's it. 

* * *

Their little study meetings turned into something more. They'd move locations, and quite frequently, they wouldn't work on their studies. Akaashi didn't mind; he could learn more about the boy who caught his eye. Bokuto would take him to the park to walk around or to the cafe to buy some coffee. Their conversations slowly turned genial, and the awkward atmosphere melted. 

"Bokuto-san, I don't think you can feed the ducks that bread," Akaashi reprimanded when he noticed the loaf of bread the boy had brought wasn't for him. 

"Why not!?" 

Akaashi pointed to the sign near the pond, and if this was a sitcom, a cheesy laughing track would be playing, "There's a sign that says not to." 

"Have you ever broken the laws, Akaashi?" 

"Well, I'd like to say I abide by the laws," he fidgeted with his fingers. He was a goody-two-shoes, he knew that. Sometimes people didn't want to hang out with him because he soured the fun. 

"Today, we will break your first law!" 

"By feeding ducks?" Akaashi asked, a disinterested emotion covering his face. 

"By feeding ducks," Bokuto assured. He handed him some bread, and the two of them made their way to the pond. The athlete offered some bread first, followed by Akaashi. 

"How did that feel, 'Kaashi?" Bokuto turned to smile at the literature student. 

"Very anti-climatic." The older boy lept into peals of laughter, holding his stomach. Akaashi turned to him, his eyebrows raised. Nonetheless, he listened to the sound, a small smile creeping on his face. 

They're walking through the park, carrying on meaningless conversations. Whatever Bokuto led them to. Akaashi made sure to pay attention, catching on to any new information. Though he didn't get much, his curiosity was fed with the clear bizarreness of Bokuto's life. 

"You did what?" Akaashi stopped in his tracks. 

Bokuto chuckles before explaining, "It was a honest dare!" 

_Bokuto and Kuroo back in highschool were inseparable; they did everything together. They even got in trouble together._

_It was an ordinary day except for the fact that it was the annual club inspection day. The principal would attend after school activities with his band of executives and decide whether the said club would continue to be funded. The principal had finally made their way over to the gym, and Bokuto was sweating buckets._

_As to why he was sweating buckets, every individual knew._

_Bokuto Koutarou was to fulfill a dare. If he could land a spike onto the principal's obviously fake wig, everyone in the gym would accompany him to extra practice. Yes, to extra practice, the ace thought. No, to possibly getting expelled. Kuroo had even offered to buy him yakisoba pans every day from now on if he completed the task._

_Unbeknownst to the principal, he continued his chat with the coaches of the team._

_The setter of the team looked over to Bokuto, asking if he was ready. The ace let out a breathy sigh before nodding._

_"Oh, looks like they're getting started," the main coach told the principal, and they turned to watch the boys._

_Kuroo tossed the ball to the setter, and the setter tossed the ball just how Bokuto liked it. He started his approach and slammed the ball right onto the principal's head. As implied, the wig fell right off of his head. Then revealed was one of the cleanest surfaces the team had ever witnessed. The principal felt for his head when he noticed the cool breeze._

_Everyone was trying to hold onto their laughter; even the coaches were covering their mouths._

_When Bokuto's feet finally met the ground, he felt instantly dizzy._

_"Bo!" was all he heard before he blacked out._

"So you spiked a ball at your principal's head?" Akaashi tried to comprehend. 

"Yeah," Bokuto scratched his neck, "I hardly remember what happened after it. Kuroo had to tell me it all." 

"You're definitely something, Bokuto-san," he said, looking down at the ground to conceal a large smile. "You're life is really crazy." 

"I'm sure you've had your moments as well," Bokuto encouraged. Even though they've been getting to know each other, he felt like it was one-sided. 

"My life is more psychological drama than slice-of-life so to say," Akaashi averted. 

"That's okay," he beamed, "whenever you're ready to share, 'Kaashi. I'll be your first listener!" 

Akaashi, taken back from the statement, stopped walking again. His face betrayed him and heated up. He slapped his cheeks, covering his face. Groaning, 

"Bokuto-san, I've noticed you have no filter when you speak." 

"That's what they all say!" 

Bokuto walked Akaashi back to the dorms. His afternoon practice would be starting soon, so he had to cut the outing short. 

"Let's hangout again, 'Kaashi!" he waved to the younger boy. 

Akaashi waved back before disappearing into the building. 

"He was hiding his smile! I saw it!" Bokuto exclaimed. He explained what he did with Akaashi to Oikawa and Kuroo, even though they were hardly listening. The team was gearing up for practice; the coach wanted them to work extra hard after their last game. 

"With the way you're speaking, you must really like Akaashi-kun, huh?" Oikawa teased. Kuroo punched his shoulder. 

"He's amazing!" Bokuto continued. 

"Bokkun, I gotta warn you, pal. Akaashi-kun is fighting some inner demons; please take it slow," Oikawa explained for the ace. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You know I psychoanalyze people, right?" When Bokuto nodded, he continued, "It was like I couldn't read him at all. He had already built a wall around himself. Maybe something happened to him, I don't know." 

"I told him that I'd wait for him to share." 

Kuroo laughed, "Jesus Christ, Bo. What have you gotten yourself into?" 

* * *

Akaashi was sitting at his desk, enjoying his comfortable silence with Kenma in the dorm. The gamer decided to indulge him, 

"You've been hanging out with Bokuto alot, haven't you?" 

_He's judging me, he's judging me, he's judging me._

"That's good. Before, he used to bug me a lot." 

Akaashi let out a genuine laugh, "Don't worry, Kenma-san. I'll keep him off your hands." 

Kenma gave him one of his rare smiles, and Akaashi studied the sight. He went back to his studies, a small smile prominent on his features.

"Oh, the gang thought we could catch a movie tonight. Horror. Is that okay with you?" Kenma looked up from his game. 

The dedicated student mentally checked his to-do list. He wasn't available, but he felt he needed a break. It also wouldn't hurt to see Bokuto again. "Does that mean Oikawa is coming too?" he tested. 

"Yes," Kenma slowly nodded, "Oikawa is part of the gang." 

"Right." 

"Do you not like Oikawa?" the gamer tilted his head. 

"It's not that I _don't_ like him. He just makes me feel uneasy." 

"Ah," Kenma nodded, "his analyzing skills, right?" 

Akaashi felt like he had met his match. He analyzed people all the time; he didn't think it would be him being critiqued. His fingers found each other, and he pulled on them, "Yeah. It makes me anxious." 

"He's just trying to understand you better. He means no harm," Kenma returned to his game. 

_I hope so,_ Akaashi muttered to himself. 

The literary student tried to get as much work in before Kenma took them to the boy's dorm. The athletes lived in the same wing, so there were no other complications. Though he never told anyone, Akaashi took a liking to horror movies. When younger, he held a review blog where he would watch an abundance of films and review them. He had a good following. 

When it started to get dark, Kenma led them towards the athletic dorms. Bokuto was the one to open the door, and he smiled when he saw the black-haired boy. 

"Akaashi! You came!" ushering him into the apartment. Kenma rolled his eyes and invited himself in. "Hi, Kenma!" Bokuto greeted, sensing the gamer's mood. 

Kuroo and Oikawa were sitting on the couch, looking for movies to watch. Bokuto led them to the living room, and they found their seats. "Anyone have a specific movie we should watch?" Kuroo offered. 

"I heard 'Get Out' is good," Bokuto replied. Kuroo searched for the movie and clicked play. 

"I'll make popcorn," Oikawa announced, "Akaashi-kun come help me."

"No thanks," he called back. 

Kuroo let out an ugly laugh, and Kenma gave him a knowing nod. Bokuto pouted as Akaashi got up to help. 

"How can I help, Oikawa-san?"

"Oikawa-kun is better."

"Oikawa." 

"Oikawa it is! Okay, but for real. We need to talk." 

"I'm all ears," Akaashi leaned against the counter. 

"For some odd reason, I feel like you're avoiding me," Oikawa tapped his chin, "care to tell me why?" 

"I can't help but feel like you're constantly reading me, so I kept my distance." 

"I don't mean any harm! I do want to become friends, though. I feel like we're alike in some ways." 

"Alike?" 

"Duh! We're both unexplainably hot," Oikawa laughed.

Akaashi deadpanned before turning on his heels. 

"Kidding, kidding!" The microwave went off, signaling the popcorn was ready. The newly acclaimed friends returned to the couch with two tubs of popcorn. Akaashi returned to his seat next to Bokuto, who explained what he missed. 

The movie got serious, fast. 

The sound of the tea scraping in the movie made everyone glue their eyes to the screen. They were waiting for the scare at this point, the suspense already too much to bear. When the main character was floating into the void after being told to sink, Akaashi resonated with the motion. 

The [ void ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBwVWrBk_uo) was an excellent capture of how Akaashi felt when he began to realize his parents didn't look at him the same anymore. How alone he felt when he expressed his feelings. There was an invisible rope that kept him tethered. It restrained him, yet taunted him from society. He was in between; he was always in between. 

It jumped to the man waking up from his dream, and Akaashi snapped out of it too. Bokuto screamed from the sudden cut. 

"Dude, I don't wanna watch this anymore!" he complained to Kuroo. 

Oikawa vigorously nodded his head where he was holding onto the ace out of fear. 

The movie was reaching its [ climax ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLLp4bO6dDI). Chris, the main character, was finally escaping the wretched house. The gang was losing hope when the flashing of red and blue lights flashed across their screens. 

"He's definitely going to get arrested now," Kuroo scoffed. 

When the car doors opened, and it turned out it wasn't the cops, everyone rejoiced. 

"Rod! You're a madman!" Bokuto screamed. 

"Jesus, my heart!" Oikawa screamed. 

When Rod told Chris not to go in the house, everyone laughed. 

"He really shouldn't have," Akaashi laughed. Bokuto looked down at him and mirrored his smile. 

The movie faded out as the two main characters escaped the house alive. As the credits rolled, the gang all got up to stretch. 

"That was a good movie," Kenma started. The gamer had actually paid attention, not turning the console on once. 

"I'll say," Oikawa sighed as he stretched. 

"Now that we watched that, I'm definitely going to be more careful when it comes to meeting new people," Bokuto concocted. 

"Oi, what about Akaashi," Kuroo teased, "how do we know he's safe?" 

The literature student lifted up his bangs to show there was no scar on his forehead. Bokuto believing the fun jab, visibly sighed a breath of relief. 

"See, no scar," Akaashi kept a straight face, playing into the joke. 

"Bokuto has a scar!" Oikawa exclaimed. 

"It's not on my head! It's on my ass!" the ace defended himself. 

Kenma sighed, "We really do not need to go over this again." 

Akaashi didn't know this. He wanted to know more, "Why do you have a scar on your ass?" 

"No, no, no no." Kenma pulled at Akaashi's wrist, leading him to the exit. It had gotten late once they finished the movie, and they needed to get back home. 

"Aw, you guys are leaving?" Oikawa pouted. 

"Yes, it's late. Plus, I don't want to hear Bokuto's ass story again," Kenma concluded. 

"Bummer," Akaashi muttered, and Kuroo laughed again. They told each other goodnight, and the junior boys walked back to their dorm. 

"You fit well with us, Akaashi," Kenma made conversation. 

"I had fun, thanks for inviting me." 

The gamer nodded. 

* * *

Akaashi slowly merged into the other boy's lives, as if he was the missing puzzle piece to complete the little gang. Though wary at first, Akaashi learned to let loose with his new friends. Now, they almost did everything together, or, whenever Akaashi didn't oppose. 

Today, all five of them were hanging out in Kenma and Akaashi's dorm. Each Friday, they hosted a game night. This was the literature student's first time, so he was excited. They decided to play Uno, and Bokuto had offered ridiculous versions of the game. They finally decided on something they could all understand. 

"I don't have a green card!"

"You're not supposed to say that, Bokuto-san."

"Just pull one from the deck," Oikawa scoffed. He was winning and was getting impatient. 

"I already have like, 20 cards!" Bokuto threw a fit. 

"Bro," Kuroo picks a card from the deck and hands it to Bokuto.

Bokuto gasps, signaling good news, "It's green!" 

The card was a reverse, so that means it was back to Akaashi. The two were sitting close to each other, their knees almost touching. The younger boy would never admit he enjoyed the proximity. He kept his face straight as he began to pull out his plus four card. 

Kenma also pulled an add four, and it continued to stack before it landed on Bokuto again. With each card added, Bokuto's face began to become more depressed. 

Kuroo was wheezing while holding his stomach. When it was finally Bokuto's turn, and everyone saw how emo he had become, the whole dorm erupted in laughter. 

"I don't want to play this anymore," Bokuto threw his cards at the deck. 

"You're a sore loser, Bokkun!" 

"You want me to pull 20 fucking cards?!" he blanched. 

Akaashi tried his hardest to conceal his laughter, almost snorting. Bokuto was glad to be making the reserved boy laugh, but not at these circumstances. "Akaashi! You have to avenge me," the defeated boy leaned onto the other half. 

Akaashi froze in his tracks. He knew Bokuto was touchy, but he couldn't help but wonder why he was more touchy with him. 

"I'll try, Bokuto-san," he nodded. 

He did not end up winning the game; Kenma somehow snuck upon him. 

"Akaashi! You suck!" the boy fell backward onto the younger boy's bed. 

"Sorry, Bokuto-san," Akaashi apologized. 

"I'm kidding." Bokuto patted the seat next to him, and Akaashi followed to sit beside him. Kuroo gave him an all-knowing look, which Bokuto flipped him off. 

The two obviously pining boys watched videos on Bokuto's phone, getting comfortable. They laid there for a while, watching and reacting to whatever came up on Bokuto's phone, comfortably close. Their position was awkward, but they made it work. As time passed, Akaashi started to get sleepy. College life was royally kicking his ass. He had numerous assignments to get done, but he was getting distracted by his new friend group. 

After a few minutes, Bokuto felt pressure on his shoulder. When he looked down, he was greeted with the most cutest sight he's seen in all his life. Akaashi was slumped onto his shoulder, his mouth slightly ajar. He was quietly sleeping, huffs of air escaping him each time he exhaled. The literature student did look tired when they arrived at the dorm, but Bokuto didn't think he'd actually fall asleep. He smiled down at him and started playing with his hair; it was almost natural. Akaashi leaned into his touch and fell deeper into his slumber. 

Soft is what Bokuto thought when he messed with Akaashi's hair. 

Oikawa punched Kuroo's shoulder when he discovered the sight. Kuroo's mouth fell agape, and he ushered Oikawa to take a picture. The setter quickly pulled out his phone and snapped a picture. The sound of the photo being taken abruptly disturbed the peace. Bokuto looked up, a blush appearing on his cheeks. 

"I'm so using this to bribe Akaashi-kun," Oikawa beamed at the photo. 

"Send that to me!" Kuroo grinned. 

It was starting to get late, so the three athletes decided it was time to head home. Bokuto felt reluctant to leave Akaashi's side; he was awfully warm when sleeping. Kenma woke the sleeping boy up to say bye to everyone. 

"Bye, 'Kaashi," Bokuto smiled at the drowsy boy. He ruffled his hair in hopes of waking him up some more. Akaashi's head bowed as he felt the contact on his head. 

"Bye," he mumbled. The athlete's expression softened at the mere cuteness the younger boy could easily exert. 

As soon as their company left, Akaashi crashed onto his mattress. 

* * *

It was the peak of the volleyball season, and Bokuto's team would be attending qualifiers next week. To say his anxiety was spiking was an understatement; he was awaiting his anxiety attack any moment now. As he grew older, the athlete could keep his random attacks down, but that doesn't mean they were gone forever. They usually came around when he was in high-stress complications. 

His coach had centered their workouts around the event, so he was deathly tired as well. Not to mention, school was also demanding as much attention from Bokuto. 

He hadn't seen Akaashi in a while. He figured he was busy with school too, but they still kept minimal contact through messages. The day before, Akaashi had filled him in with the assignment he was working on in his creative writing class. He seemed excited because his text messages would have errors, which the boy was very conscious of. It was cute, was what Bokuto had concluded. Akaashi Keiji was cute in general. 

"Are you listening, Bo?" Kuroo asked, his voice less genuine over the phone. 

"Yeah, just stressed." 

"You think another panic attack is coming up?" 

"Yeah, I don't think it'll be too bad, though. You don't need to stay in the dorm," Bokuto reassured. 

"Did you tell Akaashi about your anxiety? You're close right?" 

"No, I don't want him to think I'm weird," the athlete scoffed. 

"Anxiety is perfectly normal, Bo." 

He didn't answer to that. 

"Okay, don't wreck the dorm up. I'll see you later." Kuroo hung up the phone. He was about to take an exam then head up to see Kenma. He was always worried about Bokuto; they've been friends for as long as he can remember. He can recall the day Bokuto had an anxiety attack in front of him. Instead of the anxious boy worrying about himself, he didn't want Kuroo looking at him. It was sad; he was insecure about his anxiety. 

Kuroo bringing up Akaashi and his anxiety only flared up his incoming attack. The last thing he wanted was the boy he was interested in judge him for a stupid brain condition. He could feel it swelling up, so he needed to get to the dorm quickly before he made a scene. 

Bokuto's first signs of an anxiety attack were that he started to blank out. He was blanking out as he put in the key to his dorm. He could hear the blood pumping all around him in his ears; he covered them. He hated the sound because it formally announced that he was having an anxiety attack. His body would respond to the signal by putting him through hell. Forgetting to lock the door behind him, Bokuto sat on the couch to control his breathing. 

"Fuck," Bokuto wheezed as he was hit with a migraine. His breathing started to pick up as he clutched his heart, begging it to slow. 

_You wouldn't have these anxiety attacks if you weren't a pain._

_You're a coward. That's why you're in this situation._

_You deserve this._

"Shut up, fuck," Bokuto groaned. He continued to regulate his breathing, but his heart was really taking it out on him today. His eyes started to water from the intrusive thoughts, and he let go of his control. He had told Kuroo it wasn't going to be awful, but he had underestimated himself. He needed someone here; he felt like he was about to die. 

Akaashi was heading to Bokuto's dorm. Kenma requested he pick something up for him. The gamer felt too lazy to get up from his bed. The literature student gladly took the offer; he wanted to see how Bokuto was doing because they haven't talked in a while. He reached the dorm and knocked, waiting for a little. When nobody answered, he started to get anxious. Reaching for the door, he twisted it and walked into the room. The flat was dark from what he could see, but there was a figure sitting on the couch. 

"Kuroo?" Bokuto's weak voice reached out. 

"No, it's Akaashi," he moved over to the couch, assessing the situation, "Bokuto-san, what's wrong?" 

With the question, Bokuto's heart started racing again. Speak of the devil. He thought he had said he didn't want Akaashi seeing him like this. Did Kuroo send him? 

"Anxiety attack," he mustered out. 

"What do you want me to do?" 

"Just," he coughed, "stay, please." 

"Of course," Akaashi nodded and sat on the couch with Bokuto. The athlete started to focus on his breathing again. He needed happy thoughts. When he was like this, Kuroo usually told him what happened throughout his day. 

"Could you," Bokuto took a breath, "tell me what you did today?" 

Akaashi nodded and sat closer to Bokuto, "First things first, I went to the library for some inspiration. Then I continued to work on the story I told you about. It's going by great; if you wanted to know. Then I went to the cafe and got some coffee. I guess I was thinking about you because I ordered your favorite on accident." 

Bokuto smiled at the gesture. His breathing was slowly starting to cooperate. 

"Then I went to my classes, and my professor chewed out a student because they were always getting their work in late," Akaashi chuckled. With the sound alone, Bokuto was starting to get closure. 

"Then Kenma ordered me to come to pick something up he had left here. I was also hoping we could catch up because we haven't seen each other in a while." 

"Really?" Bokuto was able to spit out. 

Akaashi smiled down at him, even though he couldn't see it, "Really."

Koutarou's tears had started to slow, and his breathing was back to normal. He was grateful that Akaashi had helped him; he had the wrong idea about him. 

"Akaashi?" 

"Yes, Bokuto-san?" 

"Thanks a lot, you're really the best," Bokuto looked up for the first time, giving the younger boy a large grin. 

"Of course," Akaashi smiled back. 

Maybe today wasn't so bad. Bokuto had just been granted with a rare Akaashi smile. "You should smile more, 'Kaashi. I'm sure the world would appreciate it." 

The literature student's face blanked before turning a dark shade of red. He covered his face again, letting out a sigh. 

"Are you blushing?" Bokuto teased, leaning forward. 

"If the red on my face wasn't enough to tell, yes," Akaashi groaned. 

The athlete was feeling bold now. He went in to give Akaashi a bone-crushing hug, making sure there was little room for escape.

"Man, Akaashi! You're a really nice guy!" 

"You're crushing me," the boy grunted. He was redder now, but he didn't pull away. When Bokuto pulled away, he observed the red face. He liked making Akaashi blush; the satisfaction was almost addicting. 

"You owe me," Akaashi then teased. Seeing Bokuto's face drop made him instantly stop blushing but start snorting. 

"Akaashi, you're a really mean guy." 

"So I've been told," he indulged, holding back a smile. 

"Akaashi!" Bokuto pouted. He went in for another hug, and they fell backward. This time, they were both blushing. 

"Bokuto-san?" the younger boy looked down at him. 

"Let's just stay like this for a while," Bokuto closed his eyes. His anxiety attack had really torn him down. Besides, he was due for a nice nap anyway. Life had kicked his ass this week. 

"Okay." 

Akaashi felt Bokuto's breathing start to slow, so he took that as him finally falling asleep. While rubbing the boy's back, Akaashi wondered what had brought this anxiety attack along. Has he had many anxiety attacks before? From the situation and when he arrived, Bokuto looked fairly composed. He continued drawing patterns on his back. Minutes began to pass, and he started to fall asleep to the rhythm of Bokuto's heart. 

Akaashi woke up to the click of a camera going off. He started to get up before he felt the pressure on his chest. Right, Bokuto had fallen asleep on him. He rubbed his eyes, looking for the picture culprit. It was Kenma who had traveled to the dorm looking for his roommate. 

"Kenma," Akaashi acknowledged. 

"If you're going to sleep with someone, can you at least tell me. I was worried," he muttered. He sent the picture to Oikawa and Kuroo. 

"It's not like that!" Akaashi rebutted, causing Bokuto to stir. "It's not like that," he repeated, quieter. 

"Sure," Kenma made his way to the kitchen for snacks. 

Was it like that? He certainly felt like he and Bokuto were on a different case than the rest of the friend group. He was the only person anyone else would catch him in this position. Did the guy on his chest feel the same? 

"He had an anxiety attack," Akaashi relayed. 

A look of worry planted itself onto Kenma's face, "Where was Oikawa? Kuroo is taking an exam." 

Akaashi shrugged. "I'm just glad I was the one who found him. It looked pretty bad." 

Kenma nodded, and they both looked at Bokuto. 

The tired boy woke up to Oikawa's crazed screams. Everyone was hanging out in the dorm, waiting for Bokuto to wake up. He was sprawled out on the couch. Everyone else was sitting on the floor playing Mario Kart. They were all focused on winning, but they knew deep down they were no match for Kenma. 

"Kick Kenma off; nobody can beat him!" Oikawa whined. 

"Maybe if you were just a little better," Kenma smirked. 

"Got 'em!" Kuroo and Akaashi said at the same time. They high-fived. Lately, the two had come closer as friends. Their humor matched, and recently, Kuroo thanked the literature student for watching over Bokuto. 

"Let me at him," Bokuto offered, startling everyone. Especially Akaashi, who was sitting right in front of the loud boy. 

"Nice to see you finally up, Bo," Kuroo snickered. 

He rolled his eyes, not really in the mood for his best friend's teasing. He slouched off the couch, sitting in between Kuroo and Akaashi. The younger boy handed him his controller, saying he could have a shot at beating Kenma. 

Bokuto did not beat Kenma, but he came outrageously close. Still, his pride was hurt, and his emo-mode appeared.

"Bokuto-san, you're an awfully sore loser," Akaashi smiled at the pouting athlete. 

"Not helping, 'Kaashi," he pouted some more. 

* * *

It was starting to get colder, and the days shorter. Christmas was coming along with their 2-week break from school. Any student would be glad to return home to their family for a long-awaited vacation. For Akaashi, it was the polar opposite. He had forgotten how he'd have to return to his depressing household. He wasn't even sure if his parents would be home; they were always on foreign business trips around this time anyway. 

Today was the last day before break, and the student was wracked with back-to-back exams. Kenma, who finished his exams a few days back, had already returned home, so he was in the dorms alone. Though the silence wasn't any different from when Kenma was in the dorm, the gamer's presence was still welcome. Akaashi was packing some things he would need for his visit back home. He wasn't sure what was waiting for him at home. In fact, if anyone was waiting for him. He mustered a neutral face and pulled his belongings with him. 

His train would be set to arrive in the next hour, and he was running a bit late. His exam had carried on far longer than he expected. He would check his final grade when he returned home. He hadn't heard from Bokuto, expecting the athlete to have already returned home. 

He looked down at his phone, trying to pinpoint when his Uber would arrive when he felt a tap on his shoulder. His expression tensed when he turned around. Bokuto was there with a smile on his face, reserved just for him. Akaashi let out a smile before he said, 

"Bokuto-san, I thought you already went home." 

"I totally forgot something at the dorms, and I was super early for my train too. I figured I would come to find you and say goodbye!" A puff of air escaped his lips. 

Akaashi's blush was thankfully hidden behind his already rosy cheeks. 

"Thanks for thinking about me," he nodded into his scarf. 

"Always! What'll you do over break?" 

"Wait to come back," he muttered. 

"What was that?" Bokuto leaned into the younger boy's personal space. 

"Spend time with my family," Akaashi amended. Even though the two were in a pact to share their life stories, Akaashi was sidetracking it. He actually didn't want Bokuto to know, in fear he would judge him. 

"That's nice. You should tell me what you do over break," Bokuto flagged a car down, "you have my number right?" 

The car turned out to be Akaashi's driver.

"Yes." 

"Don't be afraid to call me, 'Kaashi!" Bokuto beamed at him. Akaashi smiled at him before bowing. He got in the car and watched the athlete see him off. 

The drive back home seemed to take no time; it wasn't too far. He remembered where his parents always kept the spare key; under the flower pot. Retrieving the key, he unlocked the door to the house. When he opened the door, he was met with a cold and dark place. Nobody seemed to be home; nobody seemed to be home for a while in that matter. He figured his parents were on a business trip, per usual. He put his belongings on the floor and walked over to the kitchen. This scene struck a nostalgic feeling in his brain. Him coming home from a volleyball training camp only to be met with an empty house. 

Moving over to the counter, he found a note from his parents. It told him they were out on a trip and would be back before New Years'. Akaashi was returning on New Years'. He was stuck in between being disappointed and glad to see his parents again. There was always that thought stuck in the back of his mind that they could reconcile. He searched for a snack in the pantry, then took his things to his old room. It was the same as how he left it those few months ago; nothing touched. He fell onto his bed, reaching for his phone. He went through his messaging app to no avail. He was already so lonely; he was used to vibrant texts from Bokuto or an annoying meme from Oikawa. His phone dropped from his hand as he fell into sleep. 

Akaashi didn't wake until hours later. His phone flashing on and off woke him up. It was way darker in his room than before; he figured he must've slept through dinner. He half expected his parents to call him down, but he remembered they weren't here to do so. Reaching for his phone, he made his way downstairs to make something to eat. He had a few missed calls from Bokuto and Kuroo texting him to check up on him. 

He attended to Kuroo first, reassuring that he only fell asleep. 

His finger hovered over the dial button when he reached Bokuto. The athlete had told him to not be afraid to call, right? What was he so anxious for? Bokuto was the last to judge him over a phone call. Mustering up bravery, Akaashi clicked the single button. 

It rang twice before Bokuto answered. 

"Hey, hey, 'Kaashi!" he answered. There was a lot of background noise; a house full of people. A polar opposite of what Akaashi was facing. Nevertheless, the literature student smiled at the familiar voice, his nervousness already ebbing away.

"Hi, Bokuto-san," he sighed into the phone. 

"Did you make it home safe? I called you a couple of times," he chuckled. A little kid was laughing in the background. Hushed noises were coming from his end. 

"Yeah! Yeah," he reassured, "just fell asleep is all. Sorry to make you worry." 

"No worries here! Just glad you're okay," Bokuto smiled. "Sorry, let me get to my room; everyone's super loud!" 

Akaashi chuckled, "Must be nice." 

"Hm?" 

"Nothing, how was your journey back home?" he asked, trying to take his mind off the jealousy. 

"It was super weird! The train had to stop for almost an hour because something was holding up the tracks. I felt like I was in a movie, maybe something like "A Severed Christmas." how's that 'Kaashi!"

"8/10 for vocabulary," he smiled.

Bokuto laughed, and it reverberated distantly over the phone, "Then when I got off the train, there was terrible traffic! An awful crash is what my sister said when she picked me up."

"At this point, Bo, I feel like you have bad luck following you." 

"Ah!" he squawked, "It can't be that bad! I like to think of my life as eventful," he kept his voice normal. Akaashi had just called him by his nickname; it was definitely progress. His face was exceptionally red, and he felt hot all over. 

"When you come back, maybe we should go to a shaman," Akaashi laughed. 

"Okay! It's a date!" Bokuto let out. 

"Oh," the literature student quieted, "a date, then." 

Someone called for Bokuto in the distance. The athlete sighed before saying, "Ah, I have to go 'Kaashi. I'll call you tomorrow, same time?" 

"Sure. Goodnight, Bokuto-san." 

"Night, 'Kaashi." 

Akaashi had moved throughout the house on his call with Bokuto, unable to contain the excitement of hearing the ace's voice again. Not to mention, they'd somehow promised each other a date when they met. His thoughts were interrupted by his rumbling stomach. Right, dinner. He decided to make something simple before heading in for the night. After his call with Bokuto, his loneliness set out to bother him on another day. He ate his food in pleasurable silence. He looked out the window. It was snowing, the first snow of the year. 

_"Look, mom, it's snowing!" Akaashi pointed to the window outside during one of their dinners._

_"I suppose it is." Keiji's mother smiled at her son's excitement._

_"If you finish your food fast enough, we can play outside, kiddo," his father promised, smiling at the boy._

_They were enjoying hayashi rice, a family favorite. The younger boy finished his food quick like he was told. He ran to his room to grab his coat and gloves and pulled on his father's shirt, urging him to hurry up._

_"Alright, alright." Keiji's father chuckled, making his way over to the closet to grab his own coat and gloves._

_Akaashi was bouncing at the door, ready to hop into the newly planted snow._

_"Keiji," his mother called for him, "you're forgetting your hat."_

_"Thanks, mom," he smiled before following his father outside._

" _What do you want to do first, son?"_

_"Let's build a snowman!" Keiji jumped._

_"Okay, you go search for sticks and rocks; I'll get started on his body," he ordered._

_Akaashi ran through the snow, searching for plausible sticks and stones to place on the snowman. Behind his house, there was a forest. His parents had warned him time and time again to never set foot in the brush. However, with everything covered in snow, the boy was having no luck finding what he needed. The only solution was to venture into the woods. He'd be back soon, plus he'd remember his way home easily._

_He took the first step into the almost covered path. Trees overlooked him, but with the sun shining bright, he wasn't scared._

_He began moving further into the forest, picking up rocks and storing them in his coat. He had an abundance of sticks now; he could return home. However, the curiosity of what rested in the forest overwhelmed Keiji's desire to return home. So, he kept on walking. He could hear water nearby and starting moving towards it. His senses were heightened; he could hear his heart pounding and small critters running away from his footsteps. He didn't want to announce himself as lost, but as he continued to walk further into the woods, the thought became more prominent._

_He was hyper fixated on returning home now, but it was almost impossible to find his tracks. The trees had become thicker; it was almost dark. He turned around and started running towards the direction he thought would lead him back to his father. A large tree root tripped the boy, almost like it was giving him a reality check. Along with that, his sticks fell to the ground, scattering and melting into the snow. Akaashi patted at himself, wiping the snow off of him. His gloves were all scratched up, and he was beginning to get scared._

_Tears pricked his eyes, but he continued to keep moving. It was like the forest was clawing at him, holding him back. He urged himself to keep moving, but with each step, it was like another tree branch grabbed at his legs._

_"Keiji!" he heard his father yell, a frantic tone._

_"Dad?"_

_"Keiji!" It was his mother this time._

_"Mom?"_

_"Dad! I'm right here!"_

"I'm right here," Akaashi said to himself. He was stuck in a daydream. He rubbed at his face. The memory of getting lost in the forest was something that repeatedly bugged him when it snowed, almost like it was trying to tell him something. He shook off the thought, moving to take his plate to the sink. He wasn't sure how he'd fall asleep after taking such a long nap, so he buried himself in work. It wasn't due until next year, but Keiji was scared to be alone with his thoughts. 

As soon as Bokuto got off the phone with Akaashi, he leaped into the air. It had taken him weeks to gather up the courage to ask the younger boy out on a date. Moreso, convincing himself that Akaashi wouldn't object to the idea. 

He was so desperate that he had asked his two older sisters for help. The two experienced women were his last effort, after getting clowned by Kuroo and Oikawa. 

They had told him to slyly slip it into one of their banters. Akaashi would be less likely to say no in the situation since he'd already be loosened up. Frankly, the idea seemed stupid yet, worth the shot when he had no plan of his own. Bokuto left his room to enter the adjacent bedroom the girls shared. As soon as the athlete entered the room, his two sisters stood up from their beds. It was like Koutarou was a doctor delivering news to two very stressed family members. 

His older sister, Kasumi, asked, "The verdict?" 

Kasumi had all white hair, and she worked as a lawyer for Tokyo's Supreme Court. Most of the time, she was seen as an admirable woman, never caught in a lesser moment. It was quite rare that the Bokuto family saw her; the job she associated herself with was very demanding.

Her other sister, Kaya, also known as the middle child, held onto Kasumi's arm, anticipating the news. Her hair was all black. Like her brother, she had taken to the world of sports and was a national sensation. She had attended the Olympics twice and won bronze for Japan. She was an ice skater, best known for her absurdity on the ice. 

"He said yes!" Koutarou exclaimed. 

The sisters let out a sigh of relief before tackling their younger brother to the ground. 

"So proud of you, Kou," Kaya breathed into his hair. 

Bokuto couldn't help but smile. The ace missed the encouraging words from his sisters. 

_It was a nice summer day, and the Bokuto residence had decided they would spend the day at the park. Koutarou was eagerly awaiting to show his family his new hobby, volleyball. It had been a few months after he had been diagnosed with his panic disorder, and ever since then, he had been searching for an outlet. It wasn't until he overheard a classmate speaking about a volleyball match was he invested._

_"Whatcha got there, Kou?" his older sister, Kasumi, had asked while they walked over to their neighborhood park._

_"A volleyball! I'll show everyone when we get there!" The boy was bumping the balls on his arms, trying to keep balance. He had watched some matches on their television before getting a volleyball._

_The three kids played for hours, Bokuto teaching Kasumi and Kaya how to receive a ball._

_The day would be engraved in his head for years to come. It was the first time he had found something to combat his anxiety. His parents could tell he was invested in volleyball._

Bokuto wondered if he could play with Akaashi one day. 

* * *

Every night, Akaashi looked forward to a call from Bokuto. They talked about whatever, bantering and flirting here and there. It kept Akaashi's loneliness at bay. 

"You should let me say hi to your parents, 'Kaash. I let you speak to my sisters; they really like you!" 

His trust issues started to flare. He knows he told Bokuto that he'd share with him his story. Akaashi just didn't think he'd get trapped into having to share it now. 

"My parents actually aren't home right now." He tried changing his tone of voice to play the sentence off as nonchalant. 

"What?" Bokuto almost screamed into the phone, "It's Christmas Eve!" 

"They're," he sighed, "they're on a business trip. Said they'd be back before New Years'. I'm leaving on New Years', though." 

"Akaashi, why didn't you tell me? I would've thought of something." He seemed almost angry. Keiji couldn't tell if it was directed towards him or his parents. 

"Like what, Bokuto-san? You're all the way in Sendai," Akaashi gave a breathy laugh. 

"I definitely would've thought of something," he repeated, more serious. 

"It's okay, Bokuto-san. I'm used to it, nothing off from usual." 

"There's still time," Koutarou mumbled. 

"What are you talking about?" he queried. When the athlete didn't answer, he raised his voice, "What are you thinking?" 

"Hang tight, 'Kaashi!" his voice was light again, "You can come and spend Christmas with us!" 

"You mean with you and your family?" Akaashi knew Bokuto was sincere, but how far would he go? "I would be intruding." 

"Akaashi! You're never intruding." There was shuffling, and Keiji could hear Bokuto speaking to other people. He seemed to be explaining the younger boy's situation. 

"I'm coming to pick you up!" 

"What? When? I didn't agree to this yet!" Akaashi started rambling.

"Kaashi, let your guard down once. Okay?" Bokuto's usually loud voice quieted. It created an intimate aura around them. 

"Okay." He didn't know how to object when it came to the older boy. 

"I'll be there in around 5 hours! Stay put, ya hear?" Bokuto was moving around, grabbing Kasumi and rushing out of the house. 

"Alright, Bo," Akaashi laughed before hanging up. He sighed; there was no telling what Koutarou would do when he had his mind set on it. He started to restore the house to how it was before he arrived. He packed up his clothes and considered leaving a note for his parents. He wasn't sure if they would be worried, but it was crude to leave without announcing it. When he finished with everything, hours had already passed. It looked like he had never stepped foot in the house. He placed his note on the counter where he had found the letter his parents had written to him. 

He started heading for the door when Bokuto announced he'd be there in a few minutes. He checked his hair in the hallway mirror, fixing it. He was getting awfully anxious; he hadn't seen Bokuto in a solid week. His thoughts were abruptly stopped by a loud car door slamming shut. He figured it was Koutarou. He contained his smile and pulled his luggage along the floor. The doorbell rang, and Akaashi rushed to answer it. 

"Bokuto-san," he smiled. 

"Kaashi!" he reached for a hug. Keiji obliged, and they shared a long hug. The blaring of the car behind them broke the two apart. Bokuto scratched his neck and offered to help carry the bags. They walked over to the car, getting settled in the back. 

"So, you're the famous Akaashi, huh?" Kasumi asked, looking into the mirror. 

"Yes, that would be me. Nice to meet you," he struggled to bow in the car. 

"He's polite too! Kou, I'll gladly take him!" 

Keiji blushed at the obvious joke. "Hands off, Sumi. You're way too old for him anyway!" 

Kasumi let out a boisterous laugh. It sounded familiar. Akaashi concluded that the Bokuto family was full of outgoing people. The conclusion made him feel comfortable with the woman. 

The car ride to Sendai didn't take long. Akaashi was occupied with making conversation between the two siblings, never a dull moment. They played car games, but the junior found himself having to cheer Bokuto up because he would delve into his emo mode. His favorite part from the whole car ride was the embarrassing stories Kasumi shared about her younger brother. Bokuto had to hide his face because he was drowned in humiliation the entire ride home. It was nice to hear about Koutarou's childhood, Keiji thought. He noticed his ego and disposition didn't change throughout his years. 

"There was this one time when Kou got in trouble for pulling the fire alarm," Kasumi laughed again. 

"Ah! Not this one," Bokuto turned towards the window. 

"Apparently, they were doing a chemistry demonstration, and the substance they were mixing was supposed to catch on fire." She looked into the mirror, making sure Akaashi was listening. He was listening, a small smile evident on his face. 

"So, there his experiment goes, catching on fire! You know how Kou doesn't listen, right? He goes and pulls the fire alarm, and the whole school has to evacuate!" Her laughs are making tears pool up in her eyes. "The poor chemistry teacher had to explain to the principal why her student disrupted the school day." 

Akaashi chuckled, his eyes squinted. It sounds like something Bokuto would do. 

"Geez, Bo. Disrupting class?" 

"I don't wanna hear it, Mr. Goody Two Shoes!" 

Keiji smiled at his frustration. The ride to Sendai continued with more stories and shared conversations over the interests of books. Of course, Koutarou was excluded. 

When they finally reached the house, Kasumi helped Akaashi take his luggage to the front doorstep. Bokuto was unlocking the door to the house. As soon as the door opened, chaos ensued. Kids were running around, and a little one ran up to Bokuto, asking to be picked up. The ace obliged and led everyone into the house. His mother was the first to greet Akaashi. 

"It's nice to finally meet you, Keiji-kun," the mother bowed. 

Akaashi was next to bow, showing respect. "Thank you for having me." 

"Oh, of course!" she patted his shoulder, leading him further into the house, "Nobody can be alone on Christmas!" 

"You're just in time for dinner," Kasumi said to him. 

Bokuto was nowhere to be found, but he could hear him wrestling with some things in a room nearby. He was back, right in front of the younger boy with a stocking cap. He put it on Akaashi, smiling at how festive he looked. 

"Now that's the Christmas Spirit!" Kaya exclaimed as she walked down the stairs. 

She hopped off the last step, walking over to Akaashi. They said their formalities, quickly becoming known to each other. Dinner was being plated, so everyone moved over to the dining table. Bokuto had saved a seat for Akaashi, which he gladly made his way over to. The dinner was enough to feed two families: the company the household had over might as well have been two families. The guest felt a warm feeling forming in his heart. It had been a while since he had a dinner like this with a family. It made him long for the old memories he shared with his parents, but those fantasies were locked away. Only to be brought up in times of desperate depression. 

"Thank you for the meal," everyone said in unison. For the next few minutes, everyone talked. They made themselves acquainted with the guest Koutarou had brought home. 

"So, Keiji-kun, I heard you wanted to be a writer when you graduate," Kaya asked. 

"It's what I intend to do, yes. Though, I'll probably have to get more experience in the workforce before that dream comes true," Akaashi nods, eager to talk about his dreams. 

"You seem like a bright boy. I'm sure you can do it," Mrs. Bokuto reassured. 

A mother's reassurance. Something his own blood wasn't able to give when he most needed it. The differences between the two women were uncanny.

"Thank you," the junior recovered. Keij filled his mouth with food in hopes of avoiding questions that would subconsciously bring up his parents. 

"Kaashi is super smart! He helped me with math, and I was able to pass my finals!" Bokuto perked up, finally finding a way to insert himself into the chain of Akaashi approval. 

"You give me too much credit, Bokuto-san," he blushed. 

"Credit you deserve!" the athlete smiled down at him. Sometimes the junior needed a push of gratitude to become more open. 

The dinner finally concluded. Akaashi, feeling like a burden, offered to help the woman of the house clean up after everyone. She gladly accepted his help, and there they bonded. Their topics revolved mostly around Bokuto and how they met. Keiji told her everything. With the smile that crept onto the literature student's face every time the boisterous boy was brought up, the mother could put together the relationship between the two. 

She allowed the boy to help her some more before dismissing him, telling him to have fun. It was their break; they had to enjoy it. 

Akaashi made his way to the living area where he found Bokuto giving his younger cousin a piggyback ride. His face softened with the sight; he expected the ace to be good with children, but seeing it in action was on another level by itself. 

He went to sit down on the couch, waiting for Bokuto. The athlete turned around and went to accompany Akaashi. He let the girl down, and she ran out of the room to go bother someone else. 

"You're family is really nice," Keiji fiddled with his fingers. 

Bokuto beamed, "Yeah! They were really excited to have you over." 

"I'm glad I was able to come," the younger boy nodded. Yes, he was comfortable now. All of Bokuto's family was genuine and nice. They were an ideal group of people; not one drop of ink had stained their hearts. For once, he could believe what he told himself. 

Koutarou smiled. He noticed the reserved boy had let down a wall between him and his family. He was grateful his family was accepting. 

Christmas songs were playing on the radio in the background, switching to something more upbeat. 

The athlete craned his neck, "This is my favorite Christmas song!" He got up, and Akaashi followed the boy's movements. Bokuto put his hand out, asking for permission. 

"Let's dance, 'Kaashi!" His smile was blinding, and he really looked like he wanted to dance. Keiji sighed before reaching for the hand. 

"Don't blame me for having two left feet," he stated, saving him from future failure.

Bokuto led his partner's hands to his waist and neck. Keiji was able to catch on fast; they danced around the living room, picking up a small audience. Kasumi was already recording, but the two boys didn't notice. Akaashi laughed as he was spun and dipped; he was properly enjoying himself. They danced until the end of the song, ending in a graceful dip. They were both panting, breathless from laughing and enjoying each other's company. When they finished, their audience began clapping, even the children joining in. 

The two boys separated from each other quickly on Akaashi's accord. Bokuto took the praise, bowing dramatically. On the other side, the junior was blushing profusely. Kaya ran over to the younger boy, jumping, and somehow turned the conversation into one about skating. She critiqued their spins and listed room for improvement. Akaashi had to remind the woman that he wasn't a skater, or an athlete anymore for that matter. 

"Really?! Bummer, you have the looks and body for a skater." 

"Oh, that reminds me!" the mother clapped, "we're all going skating tomorrow!" 

The house cheered. It was crazy how the family could jump from topic to topic, the dancing performance left behind. Akaashi was still trying to calm his breathing. 

It was starting to get late. Everyone had huddled down and watched _A Charlie Brown Christmas._ It was tradition; Bokuto told Akaashi when he questioned the movie choice. The only obstacle left of the day was heading to sleep. The guest was told he'd be sharing a room with Koutarou. The athlete was excited to hear the news, but the junior was more skeptical. He knew he wasn't going to get much sleep. 

They talked for a few hours, about whatever. They talked about school and even called the rest of the gang to catch up. They finally settled down, reaching more serious topics. Akaashi knew the reason why he was here in the first place was going to creep upon them. 

"I guess you're itching to know," Keiji sighed in his position. 

"Know what?" Bokuto scrunched his nose, "Oh! That? You don't have to share, 'Kaashi." 

"I have to. Might as well get it over with." He began to speak about his relationship with his parents, glossing over the key details. He could share those later. 

"My parents and I started to drift when my life strayed from the perfect image they had in mind. They wanted me to become a lawyer, but I was more invested in literature." 

Bokuto leaned on his elbow, looking down at him. He had a distant look on his face like he was shielding himself from the emotions the story came with. 

"It was like a gradual thing. There was no interest in my progress in school or my volleyball development. It felt like I was utterly alone, and I couldn't go anywhere to vent. I think I finally understood when I heard them fighting one night. Something about how they wished they were blessed with a more obedient son. That one really hurt," Akaashi chuckled, trying to compose himself. 

"So, that's when I started building walls for myself. Oikawa might have told you about them." When Bokuto started to have a guilty look on his face, he reconciled. 

"It's okay! I doubt I would've told you anytime soon." 

Koutarou laid back on the mattress. 

"Man, I wish I could give your parents a reality check. Look how you turned out, perfect!" 

The literature student smiled. Sure, he was proud of how he continued on with his dreams. Sometimes, he wished to be able to share the joy with his own parents. 

"Akaashi. Don't ever doubt yourself. Whenever you do, just think about all the good things that have come out of following your own path, like meeting me!" he pointed to himself, grinning. 

"You're right," Keiji smiled back. 

"I'm always right!" 

When Akaashi didn't respond, the older boy whined. "Geez, 'Kaashi. Way to lay it on me!" 

Akaashi laughed, and it was music to Bokuto's ears.

Cheering up the obviously damaged boy was one of the athlete's favorite pastimes. To hear him laugh was a good enough award. 

"Whatever you say, Bo. Goodnight." 

"Goodnight, 'Kaash." 

* * *

The next day started up bright and early, the younger members of the house screaming Christmas as if they had just seen Santa escape through the chimney. Keiji rubbed at his eyes, the weighted comforter slipping from his body. Bokuto was snoring loudly on the floor. The older boy had pushed his guest to use the bed, though Akaashi wanted to make everyone aware he was also okay with sleeping on the floor. Too humble, everyone had said. 

He slowly maneuvered his way around his temporary roommate and made his way to the bathroom, freshening up. He didn't know the usual Bokuto household Christmas routine, so he did what he would usually do during the holidays. Make sure his hygiene was in check and wear decent clothing. Though he tried to be quiet, Koutarou slowly arose from his position on the floor. As soon as he realized what day it was, his energy levels ran through the roof. 

"Kaashi! It's Christmas!" he hopped beside the younger boy who was brushing his teeth. 

"I know." He spat out the excess liquids into the sink, facing Bokuto. He was smiling, clearly excited to open presents with Akaashi. 

"Okay! Let's go then!" he started to pull on Keiji's sleeves. 

The literature student's eyebrows softened at the gesture. He let himself be pulled downstairs, ignoring preening eyes from the sisters. He felt like they knew whatever relationship was going on between Bokuto and Akaashi. It comforted him in a way wherein a different universe, he'd ask them to spill all the details. However, in this time and place, it also made him queasy. He focused his attention on Koutarou's warm hands on his wrist. 

Akaashi was pulled over to the Christmas tree where he sat with Bokuto. The mother of the house already had her phone out, beginning to record what would be the 25th Christmas she's shared with all her children. 

"The little ones go first," she announced, giving a stern glare to her son. 

He huffed in disappointment, and Keiji tried to contain his laughter. 

The kids tore open their presents with excitement, revealing new toys and clothes to last them until the next holidays. They looked extremely grateful, and once they were finished, hurriedly went to start playing with them. Bokuto's sisters were next. They calmly accepted new makeup kits and gift cards, returning to their seats to talk about whatever. 

Finally, it was Koutarou's turn. He had become more and more restless as the rest of his family welcomed their new gadgets. Akaashi watched as he was granted permission to tear up the nicely wrapped boxes. He received new volleyball equipment and a weighted blanket. 

"To help with your anxiety at school," Kaya had explained. 

The volleyball player kindly received his gifts, a small smile on his face. He was very appreciative of how thoughtful and accepting his family was towards him. Through all the ups and downs, he couldn't possibly wish for anyone else. 

There was one more present under the Christmas tree. Nobody made any move to open it, but they were all staring at Akaashi. He leaned forward to read who it was addressed towards, only to find his name printed neatly on the wrapping paper. Before he could protest, Bokuto pushed him forward, urging him to accept the gift.

He slowly tore away at the gift, wondering what the family could possibly have bestowed onto him. 

It was his favorite book in the first edition. 

His mouth gaped. Not only was the gift put through much thought, but it was incredibly rare and hard to come by. His own copy sitting somewhere in his home couldn't compare to the one before him. He wracked his brain, trying to think of how Bokuto would've had the thought in his mind to get him this. 

"You always borrow the book from the library, so I wanted to get you the real thing," the athlete blushed. 

"In first edition?!" he almost screamed. Everyone laughed, ecstatic to see the stoic boy sport such emotion. 

"In first edition," Bokuto clarified. 

Akaashi went in for a hug, "You're the best." 

"So, I've been told," he laughed, squeezing Keiji back. 

"Well, would you look at that. Hallmark worthy," Kasumi sneered, and Bokuto rolled his eyes before pulling away. 

"It would've been more Hallmark if you didn't interrupt!" the younger brother retorted. 

"You've got balls, kid!" Kasumi rose from her position on the couch to patronize her sibling before she was stopped. Bokuto stood up as well, ready for a long-awaited round of roughhousing. Akaashi was furiously blushing, yet happy at the same time. He decided not to hide his face this time, watching the whole ordeal with a shaky smile. It was official; this was the best holiday he ever partook in. 

* * *

The two smitten boys returned to the university together, a new light surrounding them. Even the rest of the gang noticed how inseparable the two were now. 

"Did I miss something, or are Bo and Akaashi acting more like a couple?" Kuroo leaned into Oikawa as they watched the two laugh about some memory the rest were oblivious to. 

"I hear you, and I feel you. They definitely fucked over break or something," Oikawa nodded, his hand resting on his chin. 

"They definitely didn't do the dirty. Akaashi isn't all up in Bokuto's space," Kenma looked up from the game, deciding to indulge in the investigation. 

"But Bokkun is, and Akaashi isn't pushing him away," Oikawa said. Kuroo nodded twice, agreeing. 

"Okay, what the hell happened between you two over break?" Kenma asked aloud, already bored with the suspense. 

Akaashi looked up, his face becoming red. 

"Nothing," he lied. 

"We celebrated Christmas together! We built a snowman, skated, and 'Kaashi sung carols with my family!" 

"Bo!" Akaashi hit the man beside him as if he had just outed their crime to an undercover cop. 

"What?" he rubbed at the infliction, his tone innocent. 

Oikawa ran over to them, "Spill. Everything." 

Bokuto did. He didn't see what was wrong, and Akaashi sat there blushing when something he didn't want to be broadcasted was shared. 

"Dude? Are you guys dating now?" Kuroo asked. Everyone had piled onto Bokuto's bed, and Akaashi wondered how they haven't fallen through the floor yet. 

"No." 

"Not yet! We couldn't find a shaman, so we're going to the temples together." 

"Bo!" Keiji yelled again. 

"What?" he questioned even louder, clearly confused with the situation. 

Oikawa and Kuroo simultaneously doubled over, unable to contain their laughter. They longingly anticipated the odd relationship between the two but weren't expecting the comedy gold that came with it. 

"Oikawa will never get off my case about this," Akaashi groaned. He fell back into the mattress, and Bokuto followed his gesture, trying to sneak a peek at the new emotion. Frustration looked good on the junior. 

"Would not!" Oikawa protested. "So, the date is tonight?" 

Akaashi groaned again. 

"Yeah!" Bokuto beamed before looking at his phone, "We should actually start going now if we don't wanna get caught in traffic." 

Keiji perked with the opportunity to leave the conversation. 

"Yeah, traffic is bad." Akaashi grabbed at Bokuto's wrist, pulling him towards the exit. He ignored Oikawa's teases and shut the door behind them. He knew Oikawa meant the best, but he could be too annoying at times. It was like he had inherited a younger brother, even though Tooru was Keiji's senior. He smiled at the odd realization. 

The athlete was entertained with the whole ordeal, always happy to see Akaashi bickering with his friends. He truly wanted the loner to fit in; his depressive state didn't suit him after seeing him smile. 

"Ugh, Oikawa could get me in prison." 

"What? Why?" 

"For attempted murder," Akaashi deadpanned. His face softened when he saw Bokuto's genuine concern, "Joking. Or not. Do you know how to get there?" 

"Ah, yeah," he flashed his phone. Taking the lead, he smiled down at Akaashi, "Let's see how our luck will turn out this year!" 

"I'm betting on you getting a terrible year," the younger boy chuckled. 

"Kaashi! Knock on wood, much!?" Their arms swung as the athlete proclaimed how wishing him terrible luck would only worsen the feat. Akaashi was fascinated with the interaction, not letting his limb drift from the senior's grip. Bokuto was merely testing how far he could go with physical touch. Holding wrists were allowed, as far as he observed. Ever since they returned from Sendai, Keiji had been more open with the athlete. He had become more appreciative of everyone actually, but Bokuto was seeing the excess. 

The three friends left behind watched the encounter from the door. They looked like the classic stack-on top-of-each-other to see what's up ahead. It was almost comical. 

"Are we following them?" Kenma asked. 

"Oh, we're definitely following them," Oikawa nodded. 

"You have a car?" Akaashi stared bewildered at the vehicle. 

"Yeah," Bokuto opened the passenger door, urging the younger boy in, "I just never use it." 

The car ride was filled with laughs and smart remarks as they jammed out to whatever played on the radio. The car ride was almost an hour, so they preoccupied each other with their presence. 

"I spy with my little eye," Keiji looked around, "something white." 

Bokuto put on his thinking face as he looked around for a white object. "The road lines." 

Akaashi shook his head. 

"Oh!" Bokuto pointed towards the white sticker on the car in front of them, "That sticker." 

"Bingo!" the literature student smiled. 

"My turn. I spy with my little eye something emerald green," Koutarou smiled; it'd take a while for him to guess the object he was looking at. 

"Emerald green," Akaashi trailed, looking out his window. At this point in time, the sun was setting on the passenger side of the car. The oranges and reds illuminated the junior's features making him look ethereal. Bokuto tried to keep his eyes on the road; he really did, but the sight drew his focus elsewhere. 

"I can't find whatever you spotted," Keiji huffed, falling back in the seat. Bokuto's favorite emotion of frustration was plastered on his complexion, and the athlete tried to hide his touches of laughter. 

"I win!" his teeth show.

"Could you at least tell me what I was supposed to be looking out for?" he released the air in his cheeks.

"Your eyes." 

"Not fair." Akaashi turned towards the windows to hide his blush. He knew his eyes were green, but Bokuto had described another shade of green. It made him giddy inside, but he wouldn't share that with anyone. 

They played other road games along their way to the shrine, the sun dipping lower into the sky.

The sky was dark once they finally reached the temple. The crowd wasn't as big, so it was a plus. Bokuto lead Akaashi towards the center, and they enjoyed the many events. They hit up the food venues first, where Bokuto bought Akaashi some onigiri. He knew how much the younger boy favored the cuisine. Next, they played some of the games scattered around the property. 

The athlete vouched to win Akaashi the owl plush, which he ended up not achieving. He pouted the whole night when it was Keiji who won the plush for him instead. 

Their next destination was trying out the yearly _Tanabata_ , where they would write their new year wish and tie it to a bamboo tree. The two students turned around from each other to write their wishes. 

Bokuto wishing that Akaashi would resolve his inner conflict, and Keiji wishing his parents would put more effort into their son's life. 

"What'd you wish for?" the literature student asked as they made their way to the bell. 

"It's a secret," Koutarou hugged himself as if the wish he had written was being displayed on his chest. 

Akaashi's eyebrows raised, "Fine, mine is also a secret." 

"That's not fair!" 

Keiji's breath appeared in the cold air as he laughed at Bokuto's ironic response. 

They waited in line to perform their ritual at the bell. It was starting to get colder, and Akaashi rubbed his hands together, hoping to salvage some heat from the friction. On the ride to the shrine, he noticed he had left his gloves back in the dorms. He didn't want to turn around since they were already too far out. Bokuto, who was experiencing a wave of boldness, took one of Akaashi's hands and placed them into his coat pocket. 

The junior came to his senses, looking up at his date. Koutarou's ears were red, but it was a normal human response to being in cold weather. He accepted the kind gesture, nevertheless, looking down at his shoes as his own blush started to spread. 

Oikawa squealed from where he stood with his two other friends. 

"Are we watching a Hallmark movie?" Kuroo asked. 

When Kenma snorted, Kuroo turned to the shorter boy, "Kenma! Why don't you want to do these things with me?" 

"Don't push your luck," he snarled. 

Bokuto and Akaashi had carried out their wish and were moving away from the bell. Oikawa took that as a sign to get out of there; he pulled the bickering couple to his car. 

Koutarou offered to walk Keiji to his dorm when they returned back to campus. Akaashi gladly accepted the offer, claiming any time spent with Bokuto was enough. They took the stairs, wanting to have more time to talk to each other. They laughed at each other when they figured out the reasons for this change of route. 

Akaashi rocked on his heels when they reached his room. He was biting at his lip, trying to hide the smile forming on his lips. Bokuto sensed the glee and went in for a hug, which the literature student returned. They hugged for what seemed for ages before Akaashi finally broke away. He hid his face. 

"I'll see you around, 'Kaash?" Bokuto bowed to catch the junior's expression. 

"Yeah," he nodded twice, "I had fun tonight." 

Koutarou agreed, smiling widely, "Me too. Will there be a next one?" 

Akaashi finally looked up, carrying a small smile, "Yes, sure." 

"Alright!" Bokuto backed away, walking backward. He wanted to save the scene in his mind, "Goodnight, 'Kaashi!" 

The literature student grinned and waved. He then turned to unlock the door to his dorm, where he found Kenma huddled in his sheets. He fell back onto his bed, his face over his hands. 

"I take it you had fun?" Kenma raised his eyebrows at the ecstatic boy. He looked genuinely happy, something he wasn't awarded with often when it came to his roommate. 

Akaashi stood up quickly, startled by the question. He nodded, calming down, then let his mouth pull into a smile again. "The most fun I've ever had." 

"That's good." Kenma went back under his covers, satisfied with his answer. He relayed this info to Oikawa before returning to his games. 

Instead of the relaxing condition Keiji was gifted, Bokuto was given the exact opposite. When he walked into the dorm with a leftover grin, he was tackled to the floor and bombarded with questions. One could find it ironic when Oikawa and Kuroo were there to witness the whole thing. 

* * *

It was now a new year, and with that came championships for all the fall sports, including men's volleyball. Bokuto's team had won qualifiers before the break had started. Since then, they've been vigorously pushed to their limits to condition for the games ahead. The ace's mind was fixated on improving himself. He worked harder than the rest of the team, pushed himself further. Though the coach was proud to see Bokuto's dedication, he wanted him to slow down. A burnout before a championship was a fruitless deal. 

The tournaments were to be held in Tokyo, thankfully. This meant no traveling, which Koutarou was fond of. He wasn't sure if Akaashi would pursue the journey out of Tokyo. It was an unspoken rule that the literature student has to be at all the athlete's games after his first visit. It was rumored he played better with Akaashi's presence. 

Speaking of Akaashi, Bokuto hadn't been to hang out with the boy in nearly 2 weeks. He had put his head in the game, figuratively, and had no time to attend to his social life. It was depressing when they promised each other another date. They'd kept in touch, however, leaving each other encouraging messages. Their conversations never went far because Bokuto would get a sudden urge to work on his skills. 

The situation was killing Akaashi because he never knew how much he depended on the ball of light to illuminate his day. Frankly, he missed him. He complained to Oikawa and asked why Bokuto would be working out more than him when they were on the same team. He couldn't get any info from the man because he would tease Keiji and ask if he missed him. Akaashi would never admit it, but it was clear. 

"He always gets like this before an important game, Akaashi-kun. No need to worry; he'll be back to normal after championships." 

"He could've told me. I was getting worried because his messages sound clipped," Akaashi messed with his fingers, popping joints. 

"I'll tell him about your concern," Oikawa grinned when he saw the look of relief the junior revealed. 

"Thanks, Oikawa. You're a good person."

"Oh my God! Are we finally bonding? Okay, sweet. I'm gonna help you more now. Ask Bokkun out on a date; he also misses you. He shouts it at least ten times during practice; it's so annoying," he rambles, excited that Akaashi is finally opening up to him. 

Keiji's eyebrows raise with the new intel. It was gratifying to hear that Bokuto missed him as well. 

"Ask him on a date?" 

"Yeah! It'll be like returning the favor after he asked you. It'll put him in a good mood for the rest of the week." 

The literature student wracked his brain for ideas. Yes, he could ask Bokuto out on a date, but the fear of rejection loomed in the back of his mind. What if the athlete was too busy? There was a reason why their time together was cut short, and their conversations no longer seemed to go on forever. Oikawa sensed his concern and hugged him.

"Akaashi-kun. Stop doubting yourself. As soon as you call him, he'll run out of the gym, no joke." 

"Okay," he breathed. He started to get up, building his confidence. Tooru clapped with excitement, happy that he was able to talk him up for once. It made him think of Bokuto's emo modes. The two were eerily similar. 

"Thanks, Oikawa. I really needed this," he smiled. 

"Anytime." 

As Akaashi walked out of the dorm, he pressed on his contacts and scrolled till it landed on Bokuto's name. Their last call was two weeks ago, just as the predicament started. He tapped the dial button. 

He answered within two rings. 

"Hey, 'Kaashi. Long time no hear!" Music was blaring and reverberating on walls. Akaashi concluded that he was at the gym like Oikawa had said. 

"Hey, Bo. Yeah, we haven't called in a while. Are you doing okay?" 

"Yes, yup! Why wouldn't I be?" his voice quieted. 

"Everyone's saying you've been working super hard. I just wanted to check in and possibly get you away from the gym." 

"What are you proposing?" Akaashi could hear the smile on the other side of the line, but he pushed his flustered frustration down. 

"A date," he rushed out, "when are you free?" 

"A date," Bokuto repeated. He remembered their promise on the last one, and a lightbulb switched on in his head. "A date! Okay, yeah. I'm free tomorrow, actually." 

"That's good, me too. Tomorrow then?" 

"Tomorrow it is. What are we gonna do?" 

"Uh." Akaashi hadn't come this far; he was expecting the ace to decline the offer, "I don't know, yet. I'll surprise you." 

"Sounds fun! Text me the details." 

"Okay," Keiji sighed a breath of relief. He hung up and held his smile back. He'd finally be able to see Bokuto again. 

Koutarou grabbed at his water bottle and downed the liquid. He had pushed himself to his limits today and was sure he would be sore tomorrow. He could only hope Akaashi wasn't taking him anywhere that required physique. 

The younger boy spent the rest of his night brainstorming date ideas. He knew Bokuto liked to eat just as much as he did, so he contemplated taking him to get yakiniku. He decided on a Korean BBQ since his family was part Korean. It had been a while since he savored the other culture; his mother would always cook Korean meals when he was younger. He pushed the thought away and pictured how excited Bokuto would be to be getting meat. Akaashi went to sleep early, anticipating their date. 

Despite turning in earlier than most, Akaashi found himself shrugging off sleep past 10. He cursed at himself when he realized Kenma wasn't in the room. He had missed his first class of the day and was well on his way towards missing his second period. He hurriedly searched for clothes before running into the shower. 

Akaashi continued to berate himself as he rushed out of the dorm. He was checking the time on his phone when a notification from his mother appeared. She had called Keiji nearly an hour ago. Why was she calling him? There was no reason for his mother to be calling him; they haven't spoken ever since Akaashi left for college. He shoved his phone in his pocket, leaving the thought for later. 

He barely made it to class, finding his seat just before the professor started lecturing. The literature student couldn't bring himself to tune into the information being thrown at him. Akaashi's call from his mother was plaguing his thoughts. He was bouncing between calling her after this class or continuing his streak of not speaking to her. He should call her back; it's only fair. He didn't get the chance to see them during the holidays, even though their time together would've been limited. He sighed and watched the clock move towards the time the students were supposed to be dismissed. 

He quickly retreated to his dorm before dialing his mother's number. She picked up instantly, and they stood in silence before Keiji started,

"You called?" 

"You finally answered. Why didn't you pick up the first time?" 

Akaashi swallowed, "I overslept." 

The woman on the other side of the phone sighed. A noise so trivial, yet something the junior hated hearing. It reminded him of the sheer disappointment both his parents felt when he expressed his sexuality. His love for literature, his passion for anything that the two older ones didn't approve of. He grimaced at the noise, preparing for the worse. 

"You're an adult now, Keiji. Can't you be more responsible? You do know we're still playing for your tuition, right?" 

"Yes, mother. It was an honest accident." 

"I don't have time for your excuses. What are your grades looking like?" 

"They're the same," he answered. 

"But they could be better, yes?" 

"Yes, mother." 

"Then focus on that, then. I can tell you're distracted. You're lucky I didn't put you in a medical school. Just do us a favor and do well with literature; it's the least you can do after ruining our dreams." She spat the harsh words into the line, not even recognizing how much harm she had done. 

With the tone of voice, Akaashi could tell his mother was still sour with his profession choice. All he wanted was for his parents to give him a pat on the back, the little encouragement every child needed from their parents. Life was never easy; he knew that. Yet, it was expected for one to hope. 

"Yes, mother," Keiji repeated. He'd adhere to what she wanted so he'd be left alone. 

"Good." 

The line went dead. 

Akaashi sighed and leaned against the wall, letting gravity do its job. His heart was beating too fast for comfort, and his breaths were short. He hated speaking to his parents, especially when they put him in this situation. If only they knew the pain Akaashi braved through. With his current state, he concluded he wasn't going to be stable for the rest of the day. This meant he'd have to cancel his date with Bokuto. He was looking forward to today; the two boys haven't had time to catch up. He was invested in where their relationship was going as well. It was entirely new to Keiji, but he had yet to feel scared. 

He sat against the wall before he stilled his emotions to the best of his ability. He picked up the phone that had fled from his hand as soon as his conversation was over. He found Bokuto's name quickly and hovered over the call button. Exhaling, he calmed his nerves and hit call. 

The ace was quick to answer, anticipating news on their outing, "Hey, 'Kaash! Did you finally decide about where we were going?" 

The junior's heart cracked. Koutarou was looking forward to their date. He felt disappointed in the fact that he couldn't get Bokuto away for the gym. He felt disappointed that he still let his parents get to him. 

"About that," Akaashi sighed, "can we do a raincheck?" 

"Is there something wrong?" Bokuto's voice switched to concern. 

"Yeah!" His voice betrayed him and cracked. Silence followed before he tried again, "Something just came up. I'm sorry." 

"Okay," Koutarou masked his disappointment, "that's fine. Another time, then?" 

"Another time," Akaashi repeated. "I'm really sorry, Bo." 

"It's okay! We can do something when you're free. I'll get out of your hair." 

"Okay, bye."

"Bye." 

Bokuto hung up first. The athlete was confused; Akaashi wasn't the one to be occupied by the unexpected. He was prim and responsible, not a thing out of place. There was also the fruitless attempt to conceal his emotions. Though his voice was right there, it seemed far away. Bokuto needed to check up on him; he was worried. 

Akaashi sat still at the door, never moving. He felt useless and numb. He thought moving to campus would be the best decision when putting some distance between him and his parents. With just one phone call, his so-called utopia shattered. He had finally thought that he had found himself, along with some friends, to help him escape the dark void that was his family. 

It was all for nothing. No matter how hard Keiji would try, his parents would always have some grasp on his life. 

He curled into himself and let the tears fall. 

Akaashi wasn't keeping track of how long he stayed in his position, but he woke up with swollen eyes and a swollen bum. There was frantic knocking at the door. He swiftly removed himself from the floor and wiped at his eyes, hoping to hide the breakdown he had found himself in. 

He slowly opened the door, peeking from the crack to find Bokuto staring right at him, attention laced on his face. 

The literature student opens the door more, surprised to see the athlete at his dorm. 

"Bokuto-san?" 

Koutarou frowned at Akaashi's disheveled state. 

"I knew you were sad from the way you were speaking on the phone. I know you said raincheck, but then I got worried. Then, I thought maybe we could hang out here instead and talk about it?" Bokuto rambled on, becoming more and more embarrassed. He really hadn't thought this through. In his hands were groceries and some baking equipment. Akaashi softened at the scene entangling itself; but went back to questioning, 

"What are you doing here?" he hiccuped, moving out of the way when Bokuto made moves to enter. 

"Cheering my favorite person up!" 

He gave a shaky sigh before relenting, "Are we making cookies?" 

"The best of the best! I thought we could eat them while we watch movies?" he stares at Akaashi, searching for permission. 

The junior didn't answer. "Is that okay?" 

Keiji nods instead, convincing himself. He braves a small smile, "That's more than okay!" 

Koutarou jumps, almost making a mess of himself, "Alright!" The ace is up again, and he makes his way to the kitchen, spreading everything out. Akaashi watches him from afar, focusing on him rather than what was killing him before. 

The junior wouldn't take the athlete for a baker. Yet, here he was being led in the kitchen. They're caked with flour, having messed around before getting serious. His efforts to cheer Akaashi up were working; his shoulders had relaxed, and his eyebrows were no longer furrowed. Bokuto had flour sitting on his nose from Akaashi teasing him. They've finally finished with the batter; Koutarou let Keiji taste test it and beamed at the positive reaction. 

They almost burn the cookies when Bokuto pleads with Akaashi to come and sing with him now that they had the radio playing in the background. The cookies come out perfect, so they move locations and sit on the couch. Akaashi eats away at the comfort cookies while they search for a movie. 

The younger boy was extremely grateful for having Bokuto to keep him off his low. He really didn't deserve him, yet he wouldn't mind keeping him around long term. He moved closer to the ace, placing his head on his sturdy shoulders. His mind did a full 180 at the revolution. 

_You wouldn't mind keeping him around?_

Akaashi pushed the thoughts away, looking up at Bokuto, who was determined to find a good rom-com. When he did find one, he moved to lay down, testing the waters. 

He looked up at Keiji, asking permission with his eyes. 

Akaashi nodded, and Bokuto laid his head on the junior's laps. Instantly, his hands went to Bokuto's hair as if he was repaying him for his thoughtfulness. He let a small smile make its appearance on his face. 

He was happy. He would be fine as long as Bokuto was there. He could definitely get better if Bokuto was beside him- 

"I don't believe in good people," Akaashi stated. He focused his attention on the movie, his mantra starting. 

The senior stood calm. Keiji shared on his own accord, he did things himself, whenever he could. He rarely looked for others when he needed help. Bokuto knew it all. He promised himself he would be Akaashi's first listener, and it was finally taking its shape. 

"Everyone always has to have a tainted heart. Like my parents, or the antagonist in a superhero movie." 

"But you-you're different in some type of way that I can't expain. It's a good different though," he pulled at a knot in Bokuto's hair. 

"My parents don't accept me for me. When they decided that, that's where I picked up this rash ideology. That's why I'm like this and why it took so long for me to open up to you and everyone else." 

"But at least I'm trying, right?" his voice cracked. 

The athlete nodded, waiting to be granted permission to speak. 

"So, when my mother called me today, it was like I was retreating behind my walls once again. The whole time I was thinking about you and everyone else and how sad it'd be to see us drift apart. I don't think I ever want t see us drift apart, but my parents make it seem so possible." 

"That's my demon," he sighed, "that's what keeps me up at night. Then sometimes I remember you, like a knight in shining armor." Akaashi chuckles when he observes how Bokuto responds to the new title. 

"Usually, when I get my lows, there's nobody around to pick me up again. When you came over to cheer me up, it was like I got the most massive wake-up call ever. Nobody has ever done that to me, thank you." 

"Of course, 'Kaashi." 

"You're too good, you're honestly too good," he gives a shaky laugh, "it's like there's not an inch of black in your heart." 

"I'm sure there is," Bokuto challenges, "you keep it at bay." 

Akaashi nodded at the sentiment. 

The older boy turns to face him, their eyes meeting. It's like gold against emerald. 

"Thanks for sharing with me, Akaashi. This way, we can help each other." 

"We can help each other." 

"Exactly," Bokuto smiled up at Akaashi, and he's gifted an expression just as equal. He thinks of kissing the younger boy then and there, but he doesn't want to ruin the moment of trust. He saves the thought for later. 

Keiji goes back to playing with Bokuto's hair. It wasn't gelled up; instead, it ran soft and long. It made the senior look younger. 

"Your game is tomorrow."

He sighs, "Yeah." 

"You nervous?" Akaashi smooths back the now furrowed eyebrows. 

"A little, but I think we'll win. We've been working hard these last few weeks." 

"You more than others," Akaashi chuckles. He continues to smooth out the stress from Bokuto's face. They didn't suit him. 

"Me more than others." Koutarou closed his eyes, creating a sensory memory of how the literature student's fingers feel against his own skin. 

"I believe in you; you guys will definitely win." 

"You'll be there to see it?" 

"I'll be there to witness it." 

* * *

The team's bus was up early to transfer them to the Ariake Arena. Bokuto was excited to go because the stadium had huge venues that spotlighted one game at a time. The whole court would be watching him and his team play against their opponent. 

The ride to the arena was quiet, everyone focusing and trying to get into their game mode. The ace was seen turning into the playlist that got him prepped for his games. Akaashi had even offered him some songs the night before, as a kind gesture to calm his nerves. One of his songs was playing, and he felt a new wave of determination wash over his skin. 

The official game wouldn't be commencing until two hours from now, giving both teams enough time to warm up. They were assigned to be the latter group to get on the court. Their opponents were using their time wisely, already using up space. 

Their coach called them and made them review their plays. 

"We're going up against a triple threat everyone," he announced, gauging their seriousness. Everyone had their game face on. 

"Their defense and offense are impeccable; that's why they're facing us today. The student section is also a force to be reckoned with. Do not let them shake you; focus on the task ahead. We're winning this tournament." 

He huddled his team closer before starting up their cheer. 

Bokuto was super pumped; he loved challenges, especially when it came to volleyball. He always felt like he could learn from a good game. By the time their opponents had finished using the court, the horn sounded, signaling they were allowed to practice. 

The ace hopped onto the court, waiting for Oikawa to situate himself. They had a tradition where they would pull off one of their best plays; in hopes of intimidating the other team. 

Akaashi and Kenma were making their way towards the best seats in the house. The literature student was watching Bokuto, intrigued by what the two athletes were about to do. 

"They're so cocky," Kenma rolled his eyes. They found their seats and quickly sat down, waiting for Oikawa to set the ball. 

"What are they about to do?" Akaashi asked, his eyes still fixated on Bokuto. 

"Assert their dominance." 

Oikawa set the ball high, but it was fast, just how Bokuto liked it. The ace had already started his approach and was half in the air. He sliced the ball to the right, completely opposite to the side of the court that he was on, a crisp cross-shot. The ball hit the floor with force, reverberating around the filling arena. It was like a gust of wind flew through the area, Akaashi's hair getting ruffled in the process. Kenma snorted at the boy's awe. 

"They're amazing," he settled for, breathless. 

"They've been working hard," Kenma sighed before looking down at his console. He had time to spare; the team wasn't scheduled to play for at most another hour. 

Before he knew it, the official was blowing his whistle. The game had just begun. The opponents were first to serve, a hard one being sent through the air. MSBY's libero received the ball with ease, setting the way for Oikawa's set. It looked like they were about to score a quick again; Bokuto was already in the air, a grin appeared on his face. 

The ball blew past defense and landed in the back of the court, barely in. It was Bokuto's specialty; it left his opponents confused whether the ball would land inside of bounds. 

"Bokuto Koutarou and Oikawa Tooru set the pace for us this afternoon!" the announcer states, clearly excited with the outcome of the first play. 

The ace lands on the floor and lets out his signature celebration. Akaashi can faintly hear it, and he smiles. 

Now with the ball on MSBY's side, it was Kuroo's serves. He was known for holding the time and keeping his serves near the net, enough to throw off his opponents. 

The student section counted down the time before the whistle blew, and as everyone chanted one, Kuroo tossed the ball and hit it. It was near the net as expected, and he managed to get the setter on the first touch. Just as he intended, now their flow was off. They were able to steal another point, and they took the first set comfortably.

"They need three more," Akaashi commentated. 

"It's gonna be a long game. This team is known for the extra stamina they exert towards the end," Kenma informed. 

The second set was more balanced, everyone settling into the game. MSBY lost the second set over a technical foul, the defensive line leaning their hands over the net more than needed. The student section booed after the official was done reviewing the play. 

On the third set, MSBY lost another opportunity. Bokuto's cross shots were getting blocked, now that the other team had become adjusted to nature. Before the fourth set could begin, the coach called a timeout. 

"They've become accustomed to you, Kou. We're shifting towards your favorite, straight shots." 

Bokuto perked up with the mention of his favorite play style. 

"However, I need you to stay low. They are targetting you if you haven't noticed. Oikawa, I need you to try getting more dumps in, shift the attention towards yourself. Kuroo, you need to get out there too." 

He debriefed with the rest of the starting line before dismissing them. It was time for them to switch sides, MSBY having the serve. It was Bokuto's turn, and he sneaked in a jump serve, having the ball focusing in the background. The student section and fans cheered at the ace serve. He managed to get another point before the team received the ball. The team did as they were told and diverted the attention away from Bokuto. Oikawa relied on the rest of the lineup, giving powerful sets and dumping the ball on the opposite side. 

Koutarou was getting restless; everyone could tell. He was asking with his eyes for a toss at this point. Oikawa kept him at bay, knowing that the ace would shine at his best when provoked. The setter didn't toss to him until the second half of the set. The rivals were focused on Kuroo now, who had done more than enough to draw attention. He could tell he was getting tired. 

He glared at Bokuto, who was staring him down and nodded. The ace perked up, knowing what they were expected to do next. It was lightning quick; the blockers focused on Oikawa rather than the impending threat that was Bokuto Koutarou. The ball hit the floor, not even angling in another direction. It was straight, right on the line. The crowd cheered, and the announcers analyzed the astounding play. 

Akaashi stood from his seat, his mouth agape. He, himself, had drifted his attention towards the rest of the team, leaving Bokuto in the background. Their plan was successful. MSBY was not to be messed up, especially now with this monster generation.

He sat back down once he noticed he was the only one standing. The thrill of a college volleyball game was much more pronounced than one of a high school game. The atmosphere was completely different, and you were always on the edge of your seat. 

Bokuto and the rest were able to take the fourth set after he returned with more vigor. 

It was now the last set, and both student sections were being louder than usual, trying to hype up their respective teams. The athletes were panting heavily, watching the ball for an opportunity to steal the game. 

It was a tiring last few minutes, attempts at winning being blocked and faults being made. The game ran on overtime and surpassed the match point scores. It wasn't until MSBY made a break did the stadium erupt in encouragement. Bokuto was getting anxious, looking for a chance to steal the game. 

Akaashi was off his chair now, cheering just a smidge louder than everyone else. Even Kenma was standing, biting at his nails. 

Oikawa grunted as he set up the ball for a feint. This was their last chance at winning the game; he had to make sure this ball connected. Kuroo ran up to the ball, prepared to hit it. He knew what Oikawa was planning and played the part. He shielded Bokuto from view as he was approaching from behind. 

The ace put the last of his strength into this spike, the ball moving at a fast speed. It hit the palms of the blocker's hands before falling to the ground. The opponent's chances at winning were soured once the leather touched the wooden floor. 

Bokuto fell to the floor, and the rest of his team followed suit as they celebrated a sweaty victory. They hugged each other on the floor from their tiring positions, relishing the moment. They had just won nationals, they were going to take home trophies! 

"We have to congratulate them!" Akaashi was jumping in his position, wanting to tug Kenma from his seat. They were both excited, but Kenma was better at hiding it. 

"Let's go," Kozume complied. Bokuto had labeled the two spectators as marked persons who could come onto the court to celebrate. 

The coach made the athletes line up and shake their opponent's hands. They all inched their way towards the net. After they finished, they fell into another state of celebration. Bokuto was looking out for Akaashi; he had granted him permission to step onto the court. He searched around some more before he caught Kenma's highlights approaching Kenma. He felt a tap on his shoulder. 

There Keiji was, containing a giddy smile. There was pink on his cheeks from spectating the game, and he couldn't look more proud. 

"You won, Bo!" Akaashi exclaimed, mirroring the smile Bokuto wore. 

Before the younger boy could wish him congratulations, the athlete lifted him into the air. He kissed him right there, with everyone watching. When Bokuto pulled away, he beamed at Akaashi before setting him down. He made his way over to Kenma, pleading with the gamer to congratulate him. 

The junior's hands instantly went to his lips as his face shifted red. 

"Well, that's new," Oikawa let his elbow rest on Akaashi's shoulders. The literature student didn't even budge with the contact; he was that dazed. Kuroo patted Akaashi's back, laughing at the look of shock on his face. 

Kuroo offered to drive the rest of the gang home. Bokuto went to sit next to Akaashi, animatedly retelling the whole game to him. The literature student was mostly unresponsive, trying to comprehend what had happened in the arena. 

When they returned to campus, Bokuto offered to walk the boy home. He was still bragging about his plays, and Akaashi thanked the gods their conversation hadn't drifted to the kiss now that they were alone. 

They reached his rooms, and the ace finally stopped talking. His body language was more awkward now like he wanted to ask a question. 

"Was it okay to kiss you back there? I got caught up in the moment." 

Akaashi blushed. After having time to process the action, he finalized that he did enjoy the kiss. 

"Yes, Bokuto-san. It was fine," he looked towards the floor. 

"Why, Bokuto-san?" 

"I'm a little embarrassed," he turned even redder, "is all." 

"Oh," the ace said nonchalantly. "Oh! Does that mean we're dating now?" 

"Bokuto-san?" he squeaked. Is this what they called a "gay panic?" His ears were burning, and he was sure the older boy could see steam rising from his head. 

"We don't have to! I understand if you don't want to." 

"I want to," he whispered. Louder, he repeated, "I want to." 

"Really?" Bokuto leaned in, trying to catch Akaashi's expression. 

The literature student dodged the prying eyes and nodded. He was really embarrassed, but he honestly did want a relationship with the boisterous boy. 

"Alright!" he hopped. "That means you're my boyfriend, and I'm your boyfriend." 

Akaashi nodded before confessing, "I've never had a boyfriend before." 

"Me neither!" 

The junior finally looked up to see Bokuto inches away from his own face. The red on the athlete's face rivaled his, and he felt a little more comfortable. Bokuto was just as flustered as he was. 

"But, we can learn together," the older one nodded. 

Keiji smiled at Koutarou. 

"So, what do boyfriends usually do in this situation?" 

"They kiss each other goodnight! Or at least that's what the dramas imply. Is it okay to kiss you?" Bokuto's eyes were flicking between Akaashi's eyes and lips. 

"Yes," he sighed. 

Their lips connected for a more intimate kiss, slower than the one they shared in public. This one felt reserved just for them. Bokuto's arms found Akaashi's waist, deepening the embrace. Reciprocating the feeling, Keiji's hands caressed his partner's face. They broke away after they ran out of breath. The junior was biting back a smile, and Bokuto rubbed his hands on his jeans. 

"That was nice," the athlete made conversation. 

"Yeah," Akaashi breathed. The silence was deafening, and Bokuto quickly moved to wrap up the scene. 

"I'll see you around, 'Kaash?" 

"Yeah, of course. I'll take you out to make up for last time." 

Koutarou beamed, "Okay! I'll hold you to it!" 

The flustered boy retreated to his room, feeling the need to scream. He was lucky that Kenma was staying over at Kuroo's. He needed some time to think about the turn of events. Though he was expecting Bokuto to win the tournament, he wasn't expecting a kiss from the same guy, let alone becoming official. Akaashi slapped at his face, trying to get his face to obey him. His cheekbones were hurting from fighting back countless smiles. He couldn't help it when it came to Bokuto; he looked so cute asking for permission. 

He hopped into bed, anticipating a goodnight text from Bokuto. 

**bokuto: goodnight, kaash! i'll see you tomorrow!**

The text included numerous heart emojis and kissy faces. Akaashi held the phone to his chest before replying.

**akaashi: sweet dreams, bo.**

Bokuto smiled at the message, satisfied with how fast he replied. He set his phone down on the stand and retreated to sleep. He dreamt about Akaashi and all the adventures they'd go on as a newly pronounced couple. 

* * *

Months had passed since the couple had shared a kiss in the stadium and a more meaningful one in Akaashi's dorm hallway. Their relationship came with a lot of highs. Like, the thrill of seeing each other after a long day. Or their late-night calls, and especially the kissing. Akaashi decided kissing Bokuto was easy, almost second nature. There was never a dull moment when their lips meant, each one feeling as passionate as the first. They hung out every chance they got, going on dates whenever they were both free. 

The rest of the squad was happy for them, but they were already acting like a married couple. It was almost triggering seeing that much happiness come from the two. The honeymoon phase is what the rest of the gang labeled the new pair. 

"Kaashi," Bokuto drew out the name. He was splayed out on Akaashi's lap, picking at the junior's stringy sweater. The literature student was using his boyfriend as a make-do desk while he worked on a writing assignment. He was buckling down on school work now that Bokuto had managed to hog up every aspect of his life. He'd never complain because he enjoyed the company. 

Now that the boys were on the offseason, they were freer than not. You could find them lazing around in the junior's room instead of their own dorm. It was like they were all roommates, rivaling the hit comedy, Friends. 

"Ok, bored, what do you want to do?" Akaashi asked, his eyes never wandering from the screen.

Oikawa, who had overhead, proposed an idea, never being able to let down an opportunity of fun, "If we're all so bored, how about we go to the mall?" 

Everyone except the working student perked up at the idea. Bokuto left his boyfriend's lap to pursue the idea. 

"Oh yeah! The mall just opened up!" 

"So, we should go!" Oikawa jumped. Maybe he wanted new clothes; Akaashi could never tell what the man's real intentions were. 

"Do they have an arcade?" Kenma asked. He'd only go if there was something in it for him. 

"They have like 5!" Bokuto convinced the gamer. He was obviously exaggerating, but it was common sense that every mall has to have an arcade. 

"Well, let's go then!" Kenma exclaimed. 

"Kuroo?" Oikawa turned for his opinion. 

"I don't really mind. Is there food court good?" 

"It's better than good! They have this big buffet thing," Bokuto went to ramble. 

"Akaashi?" 

"I don't have a choice," he shrugged and closed his laptop. 

"That settles it! Come on guys, we're going shopping!" Oikawa stepped in front of everyone, braving a dramatic pose. It was like they were in a cartoon, and this was their title sequence. Bokuto joined in, always eager to sponsor the setter's shenanigans. 

"On second thought," Akaashi breathed. 

Bokuto grabbed his hand and returned to his silly pose. 

"Squad move out!" 

And so they did. 

They reached the new mall and decided to explore the place by playing zombie. 

"Let's play zombie!" Bokuto started. 

"Zombie?" Akaashi asked from behind him; their hands were still latched. 

"It's basically tag, but other people get infected," Kenma explained. 

Koutarou nodded, "Yeah! The catch is if someone gets infected, we won't know since we're in such a big space." 

"Okay, bet. Who's going to be zombie first?" Kuroo asked. 

Everyone eye's landed on Oikawa, who was seen window shopping at a Gucci department. 

"You bastard! You can't even afford those!" Kuroo shouted at him, drawing the setter's attention. 

"How do you know that?!" the now embarrassed athlete shrieked, making his way back towards the group. His face was red as people walking by caught notice of the outburst. 

"You're the zombie, Oikawa," Kenma said, his own smile forming at the call out. 

"Zombie? You guys really think that bad of me?"

Everyone nodded. 

"Ok! Give us two minutes to run!" 

"Two minutes? For what? What are we doing?" Oikawa got frantic as everyone started to back away from him, "Guys?" 

Akaashi followed Bokuto as he was being led through the building. They stopped at a supermarket, discreetly stepping in. 

"Is that fair? Does he know what we're doing?" the junior panted when they finished sprinting. 

"He'll catch on. Oikawa will probably window shop for an hour before he finds us," Bokuto reassured. He kept their hands attached, and they snatched a cart. 

"We can treat this like a date to the mall!" he beamed at his boyfriend. 

"You're right." 

Akaashi climbed into the cart, exhausted from the mile they ran a few minutes ago. He wasn't an athlete anymore, so now his stamina was terrible. Bokuto pushed the cart, and they explored the isles, the younger picking things off the shelves as if they were going to buy any of them. It was almost domestic, like they were grocery shopping for dinner they'd make at home. Bokuto warmed at Akaashi sneaking candy into his lap. 

"Hey, 'Kaashi, let's break another law." 

"Another one? Here, right now? We aren't going to steal, are we?" His body twisted as he faced Bokuto, concern resting on his complexion. Their old promise to break laws before they started dating had not been forgotten by the older boy. 

"What? No. I have a reputation, you know!" he huffed. 

Akaashi sighed a breath of relief. He knew the last law they broke was anticlimatic; he just hoped Bokuto hadn't taken the thought and plotted something like a robbery. 

"Have you ever raced with a cart in the store?" 

"No?" 

"Consider it done!" 

"Bo, wait-" 

Bokuto started to gain speed as he pushed the cart down the aisles. They zipped past innocent customers and shelves. Akaashi, who in the beginning was opposed to the idea, slowly let his guard down and leaned his body whichever way Bokuto lead the cart. They were scolded by elders as they passed by them, but Akaashi's merriment drowned out the disappointment. 

"Wait, Bo, slow down, I can't," he laughed. 

With both their eyes closed with laughter, Bokuto missed where they were going. They ended up crashing right into the _condom stand._ How their little excursion led them to the hygiene aisle would be a mystery for another day. The cart was flipped over a few steps away, and Akaashi was buried in condom wrappers. The younger boy blew at the plastic over his mouth and raised his hand, freeing his face. 

Bokuto watched from where he lay on the floor, struggling to hold back a giggle. 

"You have every right to be angry with me, Akaashi. However, we managed to break a law, and that is what we came for," he defended. 

It started with a snicker before giggling erupted from the literature student. His body moved accordingly with his laughs before he let them go. It was rare when Akaashi actually laughed, teeth and all. They would only come out in unimaginable situations like these. Never in his life did Keiji think he'd be covered in condoms in a supermarket. Bokuto joined in on the laugh, moving to dig up Akaashi. 

His face was flushed with glee as Koutarou removed him from the mess. 

The speaker crackled to life, and a voice announced, "Uh, clean up on aisle 7." 

Akaashi's smile dropped as he gauged how much trouble they were in. His parents were going to kill him. He was going to get arrested for this and serve years in prison. He wouldn't even finish his sentence because his parents would have killed him first for tainting the family name. 

"Bokuto, we have to get out of here!" he shouted frantically. 

"We're fleeing the crime scene!" Bokuto responded, taking hold of his hands once again. They fled the supermarket, an angry manager hollering after them. The athlete laughed as they ran, Akaashi in tow with a more grave expression. They hid in a clothing store, pretending to shop for clothes. Everyone else in the store oblivious to the fact that they had destroyed property. 

"Oh, look at these, 'Kaashi!" Bokuto flashed some bright clothes he had found. They looked atrocious style-wise; only someone as bold as the athlete would dare wear them in public.

"We could have a fashion show?" 

The older boy took the words to heart. They grabbed at random clothes in the store and showed off what they managed to put together. Akaashi won, of course. Everything Bokuto grabbed off the racks happened to be Nike. 

"Geez, 'Kaash. You should've been a model instead," Bokuto pronounced when they stepped out of their respective dressing rooms. "Let me take a picture!" 

"Do we have to? You know I don't like taking pictures," Akaashi frowned. It's not like he minded his boyfriend taking the pictures; the action still made him uncomfortable. 

"Duh, I'm saving this picture forever." 

The literature student put his hands behind his back as he waited for Bokuto to snap the picture. The boy with the black and white hair tilted his head to the side before frowning. 

"What is it?" 

"There's something missing," he scratched his head. "Smile for me, Akaashi!" 

The younger boy sighed before putting on his best show face. Bokuto looked at him with pleading eyes when he wasn't yet satisfied. Akaashi, being unable to resist his boyfriend's charm, laughed. Bokuto took the picture. 

"That's my new lockscreen!" 

* * *

The two decided to ditch the rest of the gang at the mall, returning back to campus. Akaashi reminded himself of his deadlines and offered to head back first. Bokuto followed him, making sure he wouldn't stress over his school work. 

They're sitting comfortably in Koutarou's dorm in warm silence. The television is playing a game show quietly in the background. Akaashi returned to the work that he had to postpone. Pencil in mouth, he resumed thinking up a cohesive topic to write about. Bokuto was underneath him, his head on Akaashi's lap. The athlete was turning his phone on and off, admiring his new lock screen. 

With Keiji above him, Koutarou felt at home. There were a few places he could actually call home, like his friends and his actual family back in Sendai. However, he was starting to think Akaashi could join that small list. He'd never felt this invested with someone, and when he tried to discover these feelings, he came up with one word. Love. The two had only been dating for a few months, but Bokuto thought it was reasonable to sport such feelings at this time. 

"I love you, Akaashi." 

Instantly, the younger boy's body tensed. The pencil that was in his mouth had fallen from the way he had opened his mouth. Akaashi was scared and confused. Unraveling himself from Bokuto, he asked, 

"You love me?" 

"Yeah," Bokuto smiled, "I really do." 

Bokuto had figured it out when he had his panic attack around Akaashi. How the quiet boy didn't judge him but was there for him; something most people wouldn't have done. He noticed how Akaashi's smiles, who were only reserved for little, if not any, showed more with Bokuto. How he loved and cared for people in his own way. Koutarou loved Keiji, whether he liked it or not. 

When Akaashi didn't look like he was calming down anytime soon, Bokuto also tensed. "Is there something wrong with that, 'Kaashi?" 

The athlete reached over to hold Akaashi's hands, now that they were standing and the distance between them was growing. Only, the younger boy had retracted from Bokuto's grasp. He was shaking, and Bokuto was confused. Keiji wasn't letting Koutarou comfort him, like how he'd usually do when in these situations. 

"I don't deserve that," he started pulling at his hands. A terrible habit, he knew. 

"What, love?" he frowned, confused, "Kaash', you deserve the world. Why are you freaking out?" 

"You don't deserve this," Akaashi pointed to himself, "I'm messed up, Bokuto-san. I'm not worthy-" He tried to explain, but it was like a cobweb was stuck in his throat. 

Bokuto Koutarou was the first to know of his problems from him, himself. He was able to open up to the boy, but now he was pushing him away. Akaashi hated himself for it; he hated how he couldn't just be normal. He wanted to love, he craved for it, but there was always that obstacle; the deterrent. That damned wall, he wished he had knocked it down long before he met Bokuto-san. Akaashi turned away and headed for the door. 

When Koutarou didn't respond, Akaashi quickened his pace to the door. "Akaashi, wait! Where are you going?" 

"I'm leaving, I need to think," his breath catches when he hears Bokuto-san start to get frantic. He was hurting him; he'd done it now. Even if they were to repent, this would leave a deep scar. Bokuto-san had told him of his anxiety and how he had trusted Akaashi to share the burden. Now he was parting with the athlete, alone at that. 

Bokuto-san's heart started to beat faster. 

_Akaashi's leaving? He's leaving. No, don't let him go. It'll happen again, it'll happen again._

_"Just one more lap, guys!" Bokuto shouted to the rest of his middle-school team. When he heard the lack of shoes against the pavement, he turned around. Nobody was there; they had let him continue on his own._

_Suddenly, all the comments of before came rushing to him._

_"He's too hyper."_

_"Does he realize how annoying he is?"_

_"Nobody wants to go with you."_

_"We're leaving you, Bokuto."_

_"Bokuto, we're leaving you."_

"Stay!" Bokuto held onto Akaashi's wrist, "Please stay. You promised. Please don't leave me alone, I'm scared." 

Akaashi looked up, tears already forming in his own eyes. The sight was horrid, Bokuto's chest heaving and streaks streaming down his face. He looked genuinely scared; he didn't want to be alone. Akaashi looked at the floor and turned the knob. 

"I'm sorry, Bokuto-san." 

"Why can't you let me in?" Bokuto pleaded. "What are you afraid of? Is it your parents? 'Kaashi, they aren't here to tell you what to do!" he sniffled. 

"I'm afraid of everything!" Akaashi twisted, losing contact with Bokuto-san in the process. They both look at where their hands used to be connected. The younger boy steels his composure, "I worry about everything; my brain moves a mile a minute when it comes to you. I wish I could be normal with you, Bokuto-san, but I've already acknowledged I'm far from it." His voice cracked as he neared the end of his revolution. 

"Don't shut me out, please." 

"Let me go," Akaashi begs. 

Bokuto-san ditches his efforts to grab at Akaashi again. As soon as the literature student saw the opportunity, he slipped out of the dorm. As soon as he left, Bokuto's panic heightened. He grabbed at his chest and tried to slow his breathing. He couldn't breathe, God, he couldn't _breathe._ His vision started to blur as he succumbed to his body's response. 

Akaashi felt evil, sincerely evil. He had broken Bokuto-san's trust and promise. 

_It's for the better, Akaashi; you were getting too close. You were there to solve him, not fall in love._

Love. 

Could he even call what he had with Bokuto-san, love? Was he worthy enough to bestow such a label?

When Kuroo opened the door and saw Bokuto on the floor, he instantly ran to his side. He checked his best friend's pulse, still breathing, but shallow and ragged. He fumbled for his phone and texted everyone he had found Bokuto. Kuroo had seen a glimpse of Akaashi leaving the dorm. His eyes were duller than usual, and he didn't respond when Kuroo called after him. 

"Was it Akaashi?" he grimaced, his expression becoming angry. 

"Don't," Bokuto rasped, "blame him." 

"Jesus Christ, Kou." 

Kuroo usually knew what to do when his friend had panic attacks. Stay by his side and only make sudden movements when the coast was clear. His panics were never this bad, though. He was more unresponsive, and he made no effort to control his breathing. 

How could he be so selfless? Did Akaashi leave knowing Bokuto was in such a condition?

Oikawa was right; they should've been more careful when letting the younger boy into their party.

* * *

Weeks had passed before the two heartbroken boys had seen each other. Bokuto had gotten past the initial shock, but he didn't return to normal. It affected his performance in school and in volleyball. It hurt even more when his friends tried to cheer him up, knowing he wouldn't return to normal until he got closure. His eyes never reached the golden standard they usually were at, and the things that used to interest him didn't light a single bulb in his head. Bokuto kept trying to convince himself that Akaashi would come knocking at the door, but, as more time passed, his little dream startled to crumble. He missed the younger boy too much, even though he knew he shouldn't. 

On the other side, Akaashi wasn't dealing with the fight well. His guilt was clouding his consciousness, and he was missing classes. He wouldn't care if his mother were to pull him out of the university. He hated her, hated how she had destroyed something she wanted to pursue. When Akaashi replays the breakup in his head, he can't help but feel like he was at fault himself. At fault for not being able to love himself, yet alone Bokuto-san. Keiji hated how he could feel his parent's stares every minute he spent with the other boy. 

One by one, the rest of the boys came to talk to him. To get him to apologize to Bokuto because he had killed him. Akaashi Keiji had switched off the light that was Bokuto Koutarou. 

"He's beating himself up wondering when you'll come up to talk to him again, to maybe fix your relationship," Kuroo relays to Akaashi. The literature student is resting in his bed, facing the opposite direction. "He had a panic attack as soon as you left the dorm. I know it's not my story to tell, but Kou has abandonment issues. He was mistreated by his middle school volleyball team. It's why his attacks come unannouced." 

From his position under the covers, Keiji's eyes widened. Bokuto had never told him of this event. Was he ashamed? It only made him feel worse. 

Tetsuro scoffs, "To think I could've put an end to this. Jesus, Akaashi, you're my friend too. I hate seeing both of you like this. Can't you do something?" 

"What do you want me to do?!" the younger boy finally snaps. "He hates me! He won't take me back. I broke his heart, Kuroo!" The gravity of how worse the fight was beginning to dwell on Akaashi. 

"He's so unbelievably set on loving you, Akaashi. If you haven't realized that yourself by now, then you're on your own." Kuroo made no other remarks, leaving the dorm in silence. 

Keiji was alone with his thoughts again. 

A few days passed when Akaashi came to his conclusion. He could ask Bokuto for forgiveness and proceed to be acquaintances. He didn't think the older boy would be ready to return to where they once were. Akaashi thought that was perfectly fine; what he had done was almost unforgivable. 

He knew where Bokuto would be. He'd always be at the gym when sad, and when they were dating, Bokuto would always try to get Akaashi to set for him. He never did, though. 

As he neared closer to the court, he could hear a volleyball slamming against the wood. His hands shook as he reached for the doors. When he finally entered the gym, Bokuto didn't turn to face him. He continued his serves across the net. 

"Bokuto-san," Akaashi started, his voice quieter than he hoped it would sound. Nevertheless, the athlete stopped what he was doing. The younger boy's head dropped to the floor when Bokuto-san continued playing. It was almost like he was dismissing him before he queried, 

"Do you still think I'm a good person, Akaashi?" 

"Of course!" he yelled out, almost moving from his position at the door. "Of course." The answer was softer. 

Bokuto let the ball drop from its position in the air, then went to stare at the window where cherry blossoms were traveling to and from. The whole time Akaashi had stepped in the vast room, the other boy had not turned to face Keiji once. It made him feel uneasy, but he thought he deserved it. He was the one to betray the once boisterous boy's trust in the first place. 

He was the reason Bokuto-san was alone at the court, practicing by himself. Why he looked so lonely, and his back no longer standing straight. 

It made him feel sick. Sick that once he had been the reason to keep Bokuto Koutarou from burning out. 

Akaashi waited anxiously for Koutarou to respond because if he didn't, he was sure he'd run again. He'd call it off permanently and move dorms, making sure everyone else never heard from him again. He hated how cowardly his thoughts were, even more how he could adhere to them in a heartbeat. 

"If I'm the good person you claim I am," he started, "why did you toss me away?" 

Akaashi swallowed. 

"We were doing so well," Bokuto finally went to face Akaashi to see he wasn't holding contact, "I was doing so well. What did I do wrong?" 

"You did nothing!" Akaashi's hand reached out, but Bokuto looked uncomfortable. He quickly put his hand sat his side before starting, "It was me; I did something. It's always been me." 

Koutarou let him continue. 

Keiji let out a shaky breath before telling the truth, "I've always been able to read people for as long as I could remember. It was a way I protected myself, in a sense. I could read when to approach someone, how to get something out of someone. But," Akaashi sighed, "I can't read you, Bokuto-san. I don't think I've ever been able to. You've been such a mystery to me; ever since I met you. It scared me, not being able to analyze you; it still does. It was like I was met with a wall, foreign, yet oddly familiar, knowing that I've built a wall around myself." 

Bokuto pressed his lips together. 

"So, I pursued you. I pursued you like a thrilling chase, and I got myself entangled in the fun. When I found myself enjoying it, I didn't want it to end. I really didn't, Bokuto-san," Akaashi began playing with his fingers. 

"I don't know," he shied, "I just didn't want to be judged again. I didn't want you to wake up one day and then not want to be with me anymore." 

"I didn't want to go through what my parents put me through again," he finally confessed. 

"Akaashi," Bokuto's voice stern, "you're family can't tell you what to do anymore. That's entirely your decision to make." 

"I know!" he starts before calming, "I know. It's just easier said than done, you know? It's crazy how a few words ruined my ability to receive affection, to be worthy of it. I'm always asking, 'did I do something good enough to allow me to feel this way?'" 

Bokuto nods, "That's why you have Kuroo, Oikawa, Kenma, and I, right? We would never judge you. You, of all people, should've known that firsthand. Especially me, Akaashi; I've tried to make sure you realized that." 

"I was so, so scared when you left." Bokuto's body language shifted as if he was curling in on himself. Like Akaashi would somehow delude him again. "I thought it was happening again." 

"Bokuto-san," Akaashi frowned. 

Kuroo had told Keiji of Bokuto's abandonment issues and how it caused his panic disorder. His whole perspective of things changed when he caught news of this. It seemed like he was always learning about Bokuto from everyone but the boy himself. When Akaashi left the room that day, Koutarou probably thought he was being discarded. Again. 

"Of course, you're here now, but when you walked out of the dorm, it was like that wall we had started to bulldoze, was fortifying itself against our efforts. A person I'd convinced myself woudn't leave went and actually left." 

His words felt like venom, but Bokuto was hurting. 

"I want to love the parts of you that you hate. I don't want to have to live in fear anymore, neither should you." He searched Akaashi's face. 

The literature student's lips trembled at the heartfelt message. All this time, he was searching for what made him likes this, what was holding him back from not moving on. Akaashi didn't love himself, not yet, and not properly. He just needed someone to point it out, and when he was faced with the opportunity, he nearly wasted it. 

When Bokuto saw the cogs clicking in Akaashi's head, he gave one last nudge, "For once in your life, Keiji, what is that _you_ want?" He began to inch towards the other boy. 

"Bokuto-san," Akaashi sniffed. His legs were growing weak, "I want to be better." Bowing his head, he slowly let himself kneel on the floor, tears hitting the floor. "Better for you and Kenma and Oikawa and Kuroo." 

"Then let me in, Akaashi," he said, staring down at him. His eyes had returned to their fiery gaze, set ablaze with determination. Slowly, he knelt across from Akaashi, waiting for him to look up. Gold battled with gunmetal green, and it was like the hue was returning to Keiji's eyes. "Whatever it takes, just to see you happy again, I'm willing." 

With a shaky sigh, Akaashi retorted, "You're incorrigibly inconvenient, Bokuto-san." The athlete smiled, glad to see Akaashi returning to his normal state. 

"Don't give up on me," Keiji sniffed. 

"I won't ever give up on you," Koutarou kept his smile, still a little wary. 

Akaashi quietly shuffled towards Bokuto and laid his head on the other's shoulder. Bokuto's arms slowly wrapped their arms around Akaashi and held him close, relishing in the missed contact. Keiji's tears responded to the embrace and dropped at larger rates. He didn't let go this time. 

The inconvenience that was Bokuto Koutarou and the word Akaashi Keiji had decided to label him with had never been easy to handle. However, as each day swept by, it became easier. Living became easier. Living with Bokuto by his side was more beneficial than inconvenient. 

"I love you, Koutarou." 

"Set to me, Akaashi?" 

They smiled into each other's skin as the statements simultaneously came from their mouths. 

"I love you, Keiji." 

"Yes." 

end. 

**Author's Note:**

> to explain if you didn't notice, when none of the characters are speaking, yet bokuto is being referred to as "bokuto-san", it is to indicate the gap between between akaashi and his star. when it says "bokuto-san" outside of speaking, akaashi feels emotionally distant from him. when it refers to just "bokuto", it is the opposite. 
> 
> somehow i feel like this is all over the place! here we are with almost 30k words; i feel like my works are getting longer. i am very sorry for not uploading earlier, this was supposed to come out about 2 weeks ago. i hoped you enjoyed reading, until next time!


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